Wednesday 1 May 2013

Upcoming posts: a heads-up on a major mom/parenting rant

So I'm up-in-arms, and this is your fair warning.

Something came up and now I have a series of posts I am considering writing. Here are the topics, loosely pencilled in:

1. Why do networks of women bloggers/social media people talk so much about parenting? Is this the time and place? Do we join these networks to learn about Kraft Dinner or do we want real discussion about publishing and new media issues?

2. Why are people afraid to piss off the 'mom bloggers'? Should this be acceptable?

3. As a new parental figure in the lives of two kids, should I be accepting a new identity as a 'mom blogger'? What if I resist this? What if my every waking thought isn't about kids?

4. What is the cultural responsibility of parent bloggers when it comes to accepting sponsorships from companies marketing products that aren't actually good for our families?

If you have opinions, ideas, etc., you can comment below or send me an email at jordandangerwrites@gmail.com.

I'm scared to death to write these posts and warn you all in advance: my opinions are highly biased, based mostly on my emotional reaction to what I'm experiencing, and absolutely not meant to be authoritative in any way. Be gentle, moms and dads, when you reply...I'm open to your ideas, too.

11 comments:

  1. Mommy bloggers are a vitriolic banal bunch of sycophants. The minute a woman gives in to the mommy blogger moniker, it's usually because some company (Babble in most cases) is offering some sort of financial incentive (free trips, free products, pageview$). She also loses her voice and perspective and becomes as bland and part of the herd as the other mommy bloggers. She gives up all aspects of her life except the mommy part of it. Career, hobbies, aspirations are all funneled into the kids. It's not healthy for any of them. See The Girl Who, Dooce, and Greek Tragedy for examples. Crummy Mummy manages to avoid it but she also doesn't have the readership and side deals.

    You are in a unique position and could really have great insight as a woman who doesn't want children but is now involved with someone who has children. But don't become a mommy blogger. Forge a new genre if need be.

    ReplyDelete
  2. my opinion - someone is always gonna be pissed about something. Write what you want/need to write. I think it's more important to stand up and say what you want/need to say them let anyone intimidate you into not voicing your opinion.

    When it comes to the kid question for me the internet was fairly new when my kids where small and having a special needs child you were often made to feel you were alone. Had Twitter or Facebook been there in the early days I for sure would have belonged to a group for support. Now I find I'm more defending teens on these sites than anything else. I also talk a lot about wine and cake :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'll bite. (and note that this is all said with love! but I also love a good debate, heh :)

    1. Why do networks of women bloggers/social media people talk so much about parenting? Is this the time and place? Do we join these networks to learn about Kraft Dinner or do we want real discussion about publishing and new media issues?

    People blog about what they want to blog about. There are lots of parent bloggers. There are also lots of bloggers who are parents who write things that have nothing to do with parenting. Having said that, though, it's super interesting to see that people still have a vast amount of discomfort with the concept of parenting in public. Parenting, in many people's minds, should be kept behind doors and not discussed. If you do discuss it, you're vain, narcissistic, selling out your children, the list of insults goes on. However as it turns out, once people started writing publicly about parenting, they found an enormous audience of people to say "holy crap, ME TOO." It's a society, a shared experience, and there is enormous value to both individuals and families in talking about being parents and the experience of raising children. In 2005, someone said "Mommy blogging is a radical act." Turns out that still seems to be true today.

    2. Why are people afraid to piss off the 'mom bloggers'? Should this be acceptable?

    The 'mom bloggers' are a force. And most times, I think, when the community is upset about something, there's good reason to be. The community can overreact, certainly, but I think there's a good amount of self-policing (for lack of a better phrase) that goes on to keep everything reasonably moderate. So I guess my answer is, if you think you're going to piss off the "mom bloggers", maybe ask yourself if that possible pissed-off-ness is justified. In other words, if you're being a douche, expect people to be pissed off. If you're being respectful and well reasoned, then go for it.

    3. As a new parental figure in the lives of two kids, should I be accepting a new identity as a 'mom blogger'? What if I resist this? What if my every waking thought isn't about kids?

    You can blog about whatever you want to blog about. Parental status has no bearing on what you choose to write about. Plenty of tech or business or political or whatever bloggers are parents, but they choose to write about other things. If you want to blog about kids, go ahead. If not, then don't. I would, however, suggest that a "new parental figure" should walk a very wary road about writing about said kids publicly. Step-parenting (in whatever form) is a very, very fraught situation and writing about kids that are your own is a minefield in the first place, never mind kids that aren't your own.

    4. What is the cultural responsibility of parent bloggers when it comes to accepting sponsorships from companies marketing products that aren't actually good for our families?

    To each his own, really. If you don't believe in the product, then don't buy it and don't take sponsorship from them. Obviously the people who are working with these brands do find some synergy. That's ok. You can take it up with the blogger to say, hey, I disagree with your brand choice and this is why. Or you can just ignore, which frankly speaks the loudest of all. No pageviews = no happy sponsors. Right? But I take issue with the fact that you think "parent bloggers" should make "better" choices (ie choices that align with your personal beliefs) because parents should hold a higher standard. Parents, particularly moms, are held to an ever-shifting, impossible to attain crazy standard at all times, and when someone who holds that attitude is called on it, they can't justify it except "won't someone think of the children?" Which, ew.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'll bite. (and note that this is all said with love! but I also love a good debate, heh :)

    1. Why do networks of women bloggers/social media people talk so much about parenting? Is this the time and place? Do we join these networks to learn about Kraft Dinner or do we want real discussion about publishing and new media issues?

    People blog about what they want to blog about. There are lots of parent bloggers. There are also lots of bloggers who are parents who write things that have nothing to do with parenting. Having said that, though, it's super interesting to see that people still have a vast amount of discomfort with the concept of parenting in public. Parenting, in many people's minds, should be kept behind doors and not discussed. If you do discuss it, you're vain, narcissistic, selling out your children, the list of insults goes on. However as it turns out, once people started writing publicly about parenting, they found an enormous audience of people to say "holy crap, ME TOO." It's a society, a shared experience, and there is enormous value to both individuals and families in talking about being parents and the experience of raising children. In 2005, someone said "Mommy blogging is a radical act." Turns out that still seems to be true today.

    2. Why are people afraid to piss off the 'mom bloggers'? Should this be acceptable?

    The 'mom bloggers' are a force. And most times, I think, when the community is upset about something, there's good reason to be. The community can overreact, certainly, but I think there's a good amount of self-policing (for lack of a better phrase) that goes on to keep everything reasonably moderate. So I guess my answer is, if you think you're going to piss off the "mom bloggers", maybe ask yourself if that possible pissed-off-ness is justified. In other words, if you're being a douche, expect people to be pissed off. If you're being respectful and well reasoned, then go for it.

    3. As a new parental figure in the lives of two kids, should I be accepting a new identity as a 'mom blogger'? What if I resist this? What if my every waking thought isn't about kids?

    You can blog about whatever you want to blog about. Parental status has no bearing on what you choose to write about. Plenty of tech or business or political or whatever bloggers are parents, but they choose to write about other things. If you want to blog about kids, go ahead. If not, then don't. I would, however, suggest that a "new parental figure" should walk a very wary road about writing about said kids publicly. Step-parenting (in whatever form) is a very, very fraught situation and writing about kids that are your own is a minefield in the first place, never mind kids that aren't your own.

    4. What is the cultural responsibility of parent bloggers when it comes to accepting sponsorships from companies marketing products that aren't actually good for our families?

    To each his own, really. If you don't believe in the product, then don't buy it and don't take sponsorship from them. Obviously the people who are working with these brands do find some synergy. That's ok. You can take it up with the blogger to say, hey, I disagree with your brand choice and this is why. Or you can just ignore, which frankly speaks the loudest of all. No pageviews = no happy sponsors. Right? But I take issue with the fact that you think "parent bloggers" should make "better" choices (ie choices that align with your personal beliefs) because parents should hold a higher standard. Parents, particularly moms, are held to an ever-shifting, impossible to attain crazy standard at all times, and when someone who holds that attitude is called on it, they can't justify it except "won't someone think of the children?" Which, ew.

    ReplyDelete
  5. my 4-5 cents

    1) Many of these networks are businesses and they choose to post certain things based on revenue opportunities and based on the largest portion of their audience. I've picked a target audience for my business that excludes people and the content will reflect that. There are many groups out there. You just need to find the ones that fit you best instead of wishing they were something else.

    2) Honestly, I'd rather not piss anyone off or make them feel badly about their choices. But tell moms they're bad at being moms - of course they're going to fight back. It's far more personal than telling them they're picking the wrong tech (to use your example from twitter).

    3) Who thinks you should be a mom blogger? It would be an unexpected shift in content and I can hardly see you only wanting to blog about parenting from here on out. What does the term mom blogger mean to you? It probably doesn't mean the same thing to most.

    4) People make their own choices. Who gets to decide what is good for our families, what is ok and what isn't? You can tell me what you think, and lord knows, many many mom blogs promote very healthy eating, but not everyone sees processed food the same way. You can have an opinion but you can't decide what other people feel.

    People who tell parents they aren't being responsible or ethical parents bother me to no end. Trust me, there are people who judge from every angle, and many would disagree with a lot of my choices. Parenting is hard enough without being afraid to talk about it. Lately I'm afraid to talk about it.

    Shannon says mommy blogging was radical in 2005? Well all I know is that in 2006 when I started blogging I wasn't afraid to speak my mind and now I am.

    Lastly, and especially in response to the first comment here… I don't understand how people can justify lumping anyone who considers themselves a mom (or dad) blogger in on heap. I've blogged about my children for many years and personally think it's horrible that just because some people choose to represent any product that comes their way means that every parent blogger is just about the revenue. Talk about stereotyping and prejudice for a group.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't say every. I said when a parent who blogs chooses to go the full-on "Mommy Blogger" route they lose their authentic voice and usually they are compensated for that change in voice. Of course there are exceptions (I honestly can't think of any) and of course there are people who don't fall prey to that.

      I admit, the only way I usually end up reading a "mommy blog" is when a blogger I like becomes a parent. It's not something I seek out.

      Delete
    2. Which is completely fair. Honestly, I don't read any parenting blogs anymore. But having blogged exclusively about being a mom, and knowing many others who do, I know that the majority aren't all about the brands. Do I think some are? Absolutely. It's the generalization that bothers me.

      And I had no problem being called a mommy blogger.

      Delete
    3. "Parenting is hard enough without being afraid to talk about it. Lately I'm afraid to talk about it."

      That probably cuts closest to the heart of why I haven't blogged since the end of March. My teenage son made it plain that he doesn't want stories about himself (written by others, one presumes, given that he's very free with his opinions, sometimes far too much, on FB) to appear online.

      "Mommy blogging" struck me from the get-go as a minefield that I never wanted to navigate. I write because that is my passion. I've been paid a couple of times based on connections made through blogging. I'll continue to work my path in my own way, as an old-school geek mom with geeky kids.

      Delete
  6. my 4-5 cents

    1) Many of these networks are businesses and they choose to post certain things based on revenue opportunities and based on the largest portion of their audience. I've picked a target audience for my business that excludes people and the content will reflect that. There are many groups out there. You just need to find the ones that fit you best instead of wishing they were something else.

    2) Honestly, I'd rather not piss anyone off or make them feel badly about their choices. But tell moms they're bad at being moms - of course they're going to fight back. It's far more personal than telling them they're picking the wrong tech (to use your example from twitter).

    3) Who thinks you should be a mom blogger? It would be an unexpected shift in content and I can hardly see you only wanting to blog about parenting from here on out. What does the term mom blogger mean to you? It probably doesn't mean the same thing to most.

    4) People make their own choices. Who gets to decide what is good for our families, what is ok and what isn't? You can tell me what you think, and lord knows, many many mom blogs promote very healthy eating, but not everyone sees processed food the same way. You can have an opinion but you can't decide what other people feel.

    People who tell parents they aren't being responsible or ethical parents bother me to no end. Trust me, there are people who judge from every angle, and many would disagree with a lot of my choices. Parenting is hard enough without being afraid to talk about it. Lately I'm afraid to talk about it.

    Shannon says mommy blogging was radical in 2005? Well all I know is that in 2006 when I started blogging I wasn't afraid to speak my mind and now I am.


    Lastly, and especially in response to the first comment here… I don't understand how people can justify lumping anyone who considers themselves a mom (or dad) blogger in on heap. I've blogged about my children for many years and personally think it's horrible that just because some people choose to represent any product that comes their way means that every parent blogger is just about the revenue. Talk about stereotyping and prejudice for a group.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Which is completely fair. Honestly, I don't read any parenting blogs anymore. But having blogged exclusively about being a mom, and knowing many others who do, I know that the majority aren't all about the brands. Do I think some are? Absolutely. It's the generalization that bothers me.

    And I had no problem being called a mommy blogger.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Posted on behalf of my dad:

    Im Jordans dad. My daughter is a beautiful,(wifes fault) intelligent, (wifes fault too) a powerful personality full of concern and love with a healthy dose of empathy. She is fearless because we taught her fears must be faced (except spiders,weird)and anyone who is counts her as one of their friends is truly blessed (and challenged). She is a great leader because when the time was right we let her lead. She knew no meant no and was wise enough to understand we had our reasons. We let her do things that scared the crap out of us because life without the rush is death. Home cooked was the rule and treats were the reward. Homework was not an option and neither was mom or dad doing it. A project started was a project finished so she learned how to choose what was important. A punishment was not threat it was a fact so punishments were few and far between. We raised two beautiful brilliant kids to adulthood and today they are our best friends. Prctical, simple, no nonsense no compromise. This is my shot at mommy blogging. How did I do? -Dad

    ReplyDelete

Might I suggest you copy/paste your comment before you hit 'submit', just in case the internet gremlins eat your first attempt? :)

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