tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89555863276216311342024-03-14T11:50:24.549-04:00GIRL, CRAFTEDLife's Better when you DIY it. Make stuff, Do Stuff, Eat Stuff, Love Stuff. A blog with tutorials, reviews, food, crafts, and tales tackling life DIY-style.Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.comBlogger191125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-10103679410922951162015-08-18T09:40:00.001-04:002015-08-18T09:42:05.073-04:00Lavender Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Muffins<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhrvm3PWV4JPWPauE5QAK5Pv64-IRX0Js66vwRzLYVTvfVbBj3EWa7vf1c_N_aG9jRmzO91vTJ9DhflQU_vWIuMdVki6tE_xUtEkmztBr6J1jhuQoiU_5vpZ4pLTfm2RWAU2kAmVgXdbTE/s1600/temp+snackable.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhrvm3PWV4JPWPauE5QAK5Pv64-IRX0Js66vwRzLYVTvfVbBj3EWa7vf1c_N_aG9jRmzO91vTJ9DhflQU_vWIuMdVki6tE_xUtEkmztBr6J1jhuQoiU_5vpZ4pLTfm2RWAU2kAmVgXdbTE/s200/temp+snackable.jpg" width="200" /></a>There's a <a href="http://www.godairyfree.org/news/snackable-recipe-contest" target="_blank">contest going on</a> over at <a href="http://sodeliciousdairyfree.ca/" target="_blank">So Delicious</a> and Go Dairy Free, looking for the best dairy free Snackable recipes around. That got me surfing through old recipe posts of mine, and I came across my oatmeal muffin recipe, which has, over the years, become a standard snack of choice around here.<br />
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I've made alterations to the original recipe over time, to get the best crowd-pleasing flavour. Remember too, these are dairy free, so that's a bonus for us lactose intolerant folk.<br />
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DAIRY-FREE LAVENDER CHOCOLATE CHIP OATMEAL MUFFINS </h3>
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Muffins are a comfort food for me, and chocolate is a key component. Over the last few years I have perfected and finessed my muffin making, and have developed this crowd-pleasing favourite.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ4uz44Of9einXKybP2-NtrepEMaO2vcfOxHAofN6bEPs_euizYNwtNNXURriibbGAEQAOUAtOJW5DA7AJmL8MJZQ1ysVTt6CYWdcbhYdFDwH78Fp35h7Q8Uhcs6Crja4aaZY_vtHi2NOs/s1600/IMAG3015.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ4uz44Of9einXKybP2-NtrepEMaO2vcfOxHAofN6bEPs_euizYNwtNNXURriibbGAEQAOUAtOJW5DA7AJmL8MJZQ1ysVTt6CYWdcbhYdFDwH78Fp35h7Q8Uhcs6Crja4aaZY_vtHi2NOs/s320/IMAG3015.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">I adapted and evolved this recipe over the years from one provided to me by my nutritionist,<a href="http://www.ottawa-nutritionist.com/" target="_blank"> Jodi Turner</a>, who is an amazing food miracle worker. She turned my life around with her understanding of sensitive guts. Now it's a Jordan special creation. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">YOU WILL NEED:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">Whole wheat flour: 2 cups</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">Rolled Oats: 2 cups</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">Cinnamon: 1 tbsp</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">Baking Soda: 1 tsp</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">Baking powder: 1tsp</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">Eggs: 2</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">Sunflower oil: 1/2 cup</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">Honey or maple syrup: 1/2 cup</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">Vanilla: 1 tsp</span><br />
So Delicious unsweetened Coconut milk dairy beverage: 2 cups<br />
Vinegar: 1 tbsp<br />
Dairy free chocolate chips: 1-2 cups (as needed)<br />
Edible lavender buds: a few tablespoons</div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf7_A1_8O3xT1U7YGqkUVwwrpYipupuRm-J3cG7abnfYK5GFe4qvIFR_POLbsvvfDHl8g0qghCZGbEYcLafa_9NTTbM2WGo2Hy6FZ8HboOR8vx1X-o1701raDj2MMop7qxRlTQvspjd51K/s1600/IMAG3017.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf7_A1_8O3xT1U7YGqkUVwwrpYipupuRm-J3cG7abnfYK5GFe4qvIFR_POLbsvvfDHl8g0qghCZGbEYcLafa_9NTTbM2WGo2Hy6FZ8HboOR8vx1X-o1701raDj2MMop7qxRlTQvspjd51K/s400/IMAG3017.jpg" width="238" /></a><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">Makes about 12 large muffins<br />Preheat oven 325’<br />Prep a muffin tin with muffin cups or lightly grease with your dairy-free margarine.<br /><br />In a large bowl, mix together…<br /><br />2 cups whole wheat flour<br />2 cup of rolled oats<br />1 Tbsp cinnamon<br />1 tsp baking soda<br />1 tsp baking powder<br /><br />In another bowl, beat together…<br /><br />2 eggs<br />½ cup sunflower oil<br />½ cup honey or maple syrup<br />1 tsp pure vanilla extract<br />2 cups buttermilk alternative: you make this by adding a spoonful of vinegar to your 2 cups of dairy alternative milk, stir, then use.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">Slowly stir the wet ingredients into the dry and stir together only<br />until incorporated. Do not over mix.<br />If the batter isn't moist enough, add little touches of water.<br />Add a cup (or more, at your discretion) of dairy-free chocolate chips, and a good amount of edible lavender buds (at your discretion, but probably a couple tablespoons).<br />Scoop into muffin tin and bake 20-25 minutes. Cool and enjoy!</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0078125);">The lavender buds really make these special. They have a sort of minty-rosemary flavour and kind of make the muffins more 'grown up'. Plus they're pretty and people are always impressed. And they go with chocolate. And I feel like I live in Jane Austen times, which is always a bonus!</span></div>
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Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-52375738780546510382015-08-05T17:27:00.000-04:002015-08-05T17:27:01.524-04:00Confessions of a Skinny Chick. Who Once Was Not. And Now Isn't Sure.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">When I was 27 years old, I
weighed somewhere around 165lbs. I was occasionally distressed by this, but
after I’d had my much-needed breast reduction around age 25, I actually didn’t
care that much about the rest of me. That breast reduction made my life so much
better, and I had a really amazing supportive (female, feminist) partner, and I
liked my hair and my leather jacket and mostly, other than occasionally—catastrophically—comparing
myself to Jennifer Aniston, I was fine. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjggKIaoDv7WRVEgrfGtcVIJDlATDuCrOw-X-AztSex2bIJb3qMag0BH2ZWeaVaR8sIjb6t5JwGpm7qWRWQLqmJvRk24UqoKmk2P7uIsgYipO5tXekQhut1Sq_1bA1HGObVbY4AjjzEzkPX/s1600/skates.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjggKIaoDv7WRVEgrfGtcVIJDlATDuCrOw-X-AztSex2bIJb3qMag0BH2ZWeaVaR8sIjb6t5JwGpm7qWRWQLqmJvRk24UqoKmk2P7uIsgYipO5tXekQhut1Sq_1bA1HGObVbY4AjjzEzkPX/s320/skates.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Then, at 28, I went through a
major breakup, a major life change, and a major stress period, and I lost
around 30lbs very rapidly. People were worried. I was too stressed about my
life stuff to care, and it took me over a year to really even realize the
weight loss; I’d still go into changerooms with a size 12, only to slowly ask
for smaller and smaller sizes ‘til I hit my new ‘normal’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">I kept the weight off through
a couple of means: first, I started roller derby and actually overdid it. I
remember almost fainting on the track one day and finally talking to a
dietician, who informed me that a smoothie and toast wasn’t enough food for an
endurance athlete. Secondly, after so many stressed-out months where I literally
<i>couldn’t stomach</i> food, my body now
rejected anything greasy or fatty or super sugary. So it was nigh impossible to
gain the weight back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Nearly six years has passed,
and during that time I lost even more weight. It wasn’t on purpose, just a
by-product of my new love of athletics, plus the loving work of my nutritionist
who had retaught me how to eat. Knowing my proclivity for freaking out about
weight (in my early twenties I’d gone down some dark paths), I never weighed
myself except for at my yearly check-up…but I know my smallest was a size 5.
This was somewhere down about ten pounds lower than my doctor was okay with.
But for a lifelong ‘hefty’ girl, this was a novel and kind of exciting
experience. I could always find clothes at the stores I liked; I could make anything
look like the catalogues did; I sometimes couldn’t find clothes that were small
enough. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>THE WORLD FOR A SKINNY CHICK </b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJArKLhejuwJ-2TAISArkfn7_K26to2oSAVfdNbTUqAdAyC6s005hZplPIzTBt9ZGN38CiXtTovFBYadZHMxENTKLuGRSTv29D9pWCh-k6TfIQuyz6R_Hevd0RS8JKu2s7PpWwCIred9NS/s1600/1020091454a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJArKLhejuwJ-2TAISArkfn7_K26to2oSAVfdNbTUqAdAyC6s005hZplPIzTBt9ZGN38CiXtTovFBYadZHMxENTKLuGRSTv29D9pWCh-k6TfIQuyz6R_Hevd0RS8JKu2s7PpWwCIred9NS/s320/1020091454a.jpg" width="240" /></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">I learned how different life
is for a skinny chick in this culture: more attention from strangers, more
kindness from salespeople, more times I could woo someone into helping me out
with something like a parking ticket or a good deal on home repairs. I know it’s
wrong to revel in the fact that you’ve just found yourself amongst a privileged
population. I know the ‘pretty person bubble’ is a real and insidious reality
of our culture, and I know it’s wrong that I participated. But after years of
fitting into a role more akin to Natalie on <i>Facts
of Life</i>, I was honestly just soaking it in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Occasionally I’d see a
picture of myself and feel a tickle of hot fear run up my spine. Who was this
waif with the spiky hair? I found myself a little turned off by my own thinned features, and then confounded when <i>some</i>
people continued to tell me how good I was looking. I'd tell people I was getting a bit worried, and I'd hear, "Oh, you don't look sick." But the thing is, we don't have an accurate measure anymore for what's 'too thin'. No one's opinion could be trusted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>THE GAME CHANGES</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Then this year, after a
lot of work with a naturopath whose been helping me with some internal health
challenges, I gained a little weight back. Just one size up, really. About 8lbs
extra. Eight pounds. My roller skates probably weigh less. Yet it killed me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">I asked my naturopath what
was going on. “Too skinny,” he said in his usual clipped fashion. “You needed
to gain weight. Way too skinny.” I couldn’t argue. I knew what I’d looked like
at my lowest. You could <i>see</i> that I’d
crossed over into a place my body didn’t want to be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">So why did I still die a
little inside when he said that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b>WHAT I'VE GOT TO SAY</b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNqmDKi-CX5RawbycaLABT8mQkPhXD9ZWlf_YP_2a_PKVvky0HUo5t3k4e2AqW1sRIOu39VH8tGEPqBI7Xd05wE_sC_ig5C_Qp1WcytkwgMYKPd-k9sRywi0hbcEakHI8mlt8KutBxyqXm/s1600/20141002_091045.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNqmDKi-CX5RawbycaLABT8mQkPhXD9ZWlf_YP_2a_PKVvky0HUo5t3k4e2AqW1sRIOu39VH8tGEPqBI7Xd05wE_sC_ig5C_Qp1WcytkwgMYKPd-k9sRywi0hbcEakHI8mlt8KutBxyqXm/s320/20141002_091045.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">I have spent a few months
now, obsessing over this change. Eight pounds of flesh have taken up more space
in my mind at some points than my job, my dog, my love life…it has kept me up
at night and startled me awake in the morning. And all this thinking has brought
to light a handful of truths I can no longer deny:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>1. I will never be skinny
enough</b>. If you play the weight=beauty, or weight=self worth game, I’m telling
you it’ll just spiral out of control. No one who worries about weight ever
thinks they’re skinny enough. I watched my mother’s generation obsess over diet
fads; I’m watching <i>my</i> generation
obsess over magic foods/paleo diets/gluten avoidance/raw food theories, under
the guise of health but with the understanding that ‘healthy’ is supposed to
look like a Victoria’s Secret model. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>2. It is true, but
ridiculous, that the size of my jeans affects whether I feel ready to be part
of the world that day.</b> That’s all I have to say about that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>3. I will never have a flat
belly</b>. I have endometriosis. This means I’ll be forever round-bellied. Oh, and
genetics—I’m already one of the thinnest women in two generations of women.
Genetics and disease mean that I will never look like I have a twelve year old’s
abdomen. And that kills me and I have no idea how to actually <i>mean it</i> when I say “It doesn’t matter.”
How do I own and accept something that I’m told, daily and hourly, is
unacceptably repugnant? I have no answer here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNvgxh4QFG1Y-8PJ3qPUD5xItRSS6I24DAd7SHaQwUHQ92WLEUyaiOEjwabcLBjbTj_cbK5xhJFAQEtc9_fzkIzOnhYJLjo0wOeexoLJ01iHaX8TVM4xlAPskd5EEg5eoQvoFo8kgGymIP/s1600/20150622_160440.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNvgxh4QFG1Y-8PJ3qPUD5xItRSS6I24DAd7SHaQwUHQ92WLEUyaiOEjwabcLBjbTj_cbK5xhJFAQEtc9_fzkIzOnhYJLjo0wOeexoLJ01iHaX8TVM4xlAPskd5EEg5eoQvoFo8kgGymIP/s320/20150622_160440.jpg" width="240" /></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>4. I am unintentionally
hypocritical. </b>I was part of the marketing team for a movie called <i>Muffin Top</i> a year or so ago—a movie that
heavily promotes body acceptance and self love. I remember getting ready for a
meeting one day and having a total meltdown about my body shape. I remember
thinking, <i>How can I be working on this
movie and thinking like this at the same time? How can I be both part of the problem
</i>and<i> the solution? </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">This post isn’t
groundbreaking. There’s nothing in here that hasn’t been said a hundred times
by a hundred women (and men). I don’t know why I wanted to write it so badly.
Maybe so I’ll hear myself and hold myself accountable and maybe someone else
out there will read this, relate to it, and feel a little less shame for being
so hopelessly incapable of embodying her own feminist ideals, like me right
now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">My first step is going to be
jean shopping. Long ago I heard a Fat Activist say that when your jeans don’t
fit anymore, it’s time to get new jeans. That may seem like a small step
towards upholding my feminist ideals, but it’s a giant step for this girl right
here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-56749202094451043102015-07-28T13:00:00.003-04:002015-07-28T14:29:30.603-04:00Live Laugh Learn? Puke puke puke. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP1w8NFpYWzBMfnFcMaKiTE9NjFITygMdtsDKJHuV3Y86rlFp5Rvkvu6DsDdT_sArBl_fQPsWhmRY35xbOSvpIKDL7ZUdLgyM_XI4kLTJyAKnHX4LUgEV2mJ6so4sVumUK-S7RLCGmCp6v/s1600/temp+live+laugh+learn+love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="71" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP1w8NFpYWzBMfnFcMaKiTE9NjFITygMdtsDKJHuV3Y86rlFp5Rvkvu6DsDdT_sArBl_fQPsWhmRY35xbOSvpIKDL7ZUdLgyM_XI4kLTJyAKnHX4LUgEV2mJ6so4sVumUK-S7RLCGmCp6v/s320/temp+live+laugh+learn+love.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I’m really sick of hearing that stupid phrase (and variants
thereof), “Live, Laugh, Love”. And “Live, Laugh, Learn”. Why are we so obsessed
with this? It’s not <i>really</i> some sort
of wise philosophical statement. It’s three (or four) L words that are really just basic tenements of being a live bipedial simian. Are we just
fanatics for alliteration? If so, then the next time I buy a set of inspiration
votives, I want them to read, “Puppies, Popsicles, Pudding”. Or maybe “Videogames,
Vibrators, Vin Diesel”. Those are way better personal philosophies. A person with either of those sets of values is someone I can really get behind. </div>
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I should be a campaign writer for these upcoming elections. <o:p></o:p><br />
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EDITED TO ADD: For those of you who agree with my much better philosophies, these here are for you to share and post. You're welcome.<br />
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Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-33333305141214600632015-06-16T15:07:00.003-04:002015-06-16T15:08:11.275-04:00Dating After Divorce: It's like riding a bike.<div class="MsoNormal">
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You know what’s funny about being divorced? Okay, follow
along here:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Imagine having a relationship was like learning to ride a
bike. And let’s say you were going out for a few years but then you broke up,
or ‘fell off your bike’. People would say, “Aw, no big deal! Dust yourself off!
Get back on a bike! Try again! You’ll get it this time! Tour de France guys
fall all the time and they break records! Go for it!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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But if you get married and divorced, it’s like people saw
that fall and then if you go to climb on the bike again, they’re like, “Whoooaaa
there, honey. You sure you wanna do that? Where’s your helmet? Shouldn’t you
get elbow pads? You should really get some knee pads. And wrist guards. You
know what, maybe just put some training wheels back on. Have you considered
switching to a tricycle? What’s your plan for dealing with another fall? Maybe
you should take another form of transport. Here is a shopping cart. Let someone
else push you. No, just keep the helmet on for now.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj62bGW3czkDnYEwIkgHP5f1aioqga5j3J1YGnDvb_43h5YBRx_CsM-uempGZcGgNYEVUCInWroXnjWXyobbGtLYl2oyHuaL6FFjniXw5ixy6zNfnWcT376zZcknA9hIIFZhDJZvpSm8Gf/s1600/IMG_0528.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="558" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj62bGW3czkDnYEwIkgHP5f1aioqga5j3J1YGnDvb_43h5YBRx_CsM-uempGZcGgNYEVUCInWroXnjWXyobbGtLYl2oyHuaL6FFjniXw5ixy6zNfnWcT376zZcknA9hIIFZhDJZvpSm8Gf/s640/IMG_0528.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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Well, enough is enough. Falling off a bike doesn’t make you
permanently bike-tarded, people. If anything, it means you’ve learned the
limits of a bike—its angles, curves, brakes, and speeds—and in some ways now
you’re better prepared than ever to ride a bike. Because you also know what it
feels like to fall off of one. And you survived. Some people are so afraid of
falling off their bike, they stay on the wrong one for years. So <i>no,</i> I’m not going to be afraid of riding
a bike. But I’m definitely wiser now about <i>choosing</i>
a bike. With every fall I’ve taken, I’ve narrowed down my bike needs and I have
actually reached a place where I’m now grateful for my falls, because they’ve taught
me so much.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So yeah, I’ll pass up the ride in the shopping cart, thanks.
I’ve got a handle on this bike thing. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh83mccxinpYPpsd1NLwNQi_Rdna-VMdrPVdMl2M-lSUu49H5cFGKfw687ZNe0-nUD7w_kJaXEsdH0HIjLaXZ6DaPJyBihL_okV4FYg9q1uDkIqjp5CZo0FBJiRH9tZTjldG8D9pf46nqPV/s1600/IMG_0529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh83mccxinpYPpsd1NLwNQi_Rdna-VMdrPVdMl2M-lSUu49H5cFGKfw687ZNe0-nUD7w_kJaXEsdH0HIjLaXZ6DaPJyBihL_okV4FYg9q1uDkIqjp5CZo0FBJiRH9tZTjldG8D9pf46nqPV/s640/IMG_0529.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-73607653734548402062015-06-16T13:32:00.001-04:002015-06-16T13:32:42.902-04:00The Long Protective Retreat<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, I closed my computer in January, took a long deep
breath, and got busy livin’. Yep, just walked away from blogging and writing in
general. I actually closed up shop in a lot of different ways: I retreated from
excessive social gatherings, avoided unnecessary stresses, and just spent time
working on my shtuff. Some of that was the house—the house I bought three years
ago this month, the house that has been both my nest and the bane of my
existence. I worked on my career and my business. I worked on my health, even
quitting smoking last month. And maybe most importantly, I immersed myself in
the cultivation of a new blossoming relationship. I retreated from the ‘mind
clutter’ that can come from having too many cooks in the kitchen: too many
opinions, whether real or perceived. Too much oversharing, as we are so fond of doing these days. I wanted to do some deep rescue and
recovery on myself. And good things came when I did. <o:p></o:p></div>
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But I missed writing. So here I am.<o:p></o:p></div>
Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-69664220258256131422015-01-16T15:13:00.002-05:002015-01-16T15:13:58.315-05:00My Melting Bathroom and the Home Reno Show<div class="MsoNormal">
My bathroom is leaking again. You’d have to be a long-time
reader here to know what this means, so for those who aren’t caught up: my G.D.
Mother-frakkin’ bathroom is the bane of my existence and consistently makes me
fantasize about burning down my house. <o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM3xN7gy0anG_pIfJ13Iw_asrpN6FPRAxYrjVdQi7CLyvsvGYolM2Jg2Jxja-QcY6xV1IyhPWp_XadTOiaX2RHASjCQdoGsSgGWrw5xA_9WZ2s1KmDVLgbiGv5t78_zaZbj4nB4qdxoU4J/s1600/IMAG4510.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM3xN7gy0anG_pIfJ13Iw_asrpN6FPRAxYrjVdQi7CLyvsvGYolM2Jg2Jxja-QcY6xV1IyhPWp_XadTOiaX2RHASjCQdoGsSgGWrw5xA_9WZ2s1KmDVLgbiGv5t78_zaZbj4nB4qdxoU4J/s1600/IMAG4510.jpg" height="320" width="191" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The only one who really uses the tub.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Two and a half years ago, I purchased this house with my
then-husband. There was a leak in the bathroom that was slowly seeping into the
ceiling of the dining room below, so my husband and my dad decided to fix it
themselves. When they went to do that, though, they ended up finding that the
bathroom walls were made of the wrong kind of drywall, and that someone had
stuffed newspaper into the walls instead of insulation. So what was meant to be
a minor plumbing repair turned into a full bathroom reno. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Trouble is, plumbing is a tricky business, and despite their
best amateur efforts, the leaking continued. Months later, when I was single
again and on my own, I hired a contractor and a plumber to fix things, and it really
did seem as if they had.<o:p></o:p></div>
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That is, until my best friend/housemate MJ went to step into
the shower this week, and found her foot sunk deep into the vinyl floor beside
the bathtub.<o:p></o:p></div>
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MJ told me the news in the best way possible: she found the
problem, then immediately called her contractor father, and had a list of steps
and solutions for me. Unfortunately, there was no way to stop the tears of
frustration that came to my eyes. This stupid bathroom felt like a metaphor for
my entire life: repair after repair, and nowhere nearer solid ground. (Quite
literally, as I pushed on the floor and found the subfloor had turned into a
fibrous pudding.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-GiBIXJ9K_sXq_oEDA1QlHZnqG6_hTrXF-w2_LmnHmS8GopgOt73Wy1JEMbfi37z_boioKSEeQm3nVCPLPJnQjN1fq1zZjFc1TGjaOTIbM-NjZ6WfAekSpajU5YW1TGYgVML5f1_sUJm8/s1600/temp+home+reno.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-GiBIXJ9K_sXq_oEDA1QlHZnqG6_hTrXF-w2_LmnHmS8GopgOt73Wy1JEMbfi37z_boioKSEeQm3nVCPLPJnQjN1fq1zZjFc1TGjaOTIbM-NjZ6WfAekSpajU5YW1TGYgVML5f1_sUJm8/s1600/temp+home+reno.jpg" height="131" width="640" /></a></div>
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So it’s good timing that <a href="http://homerenovationsshow.com/" target="_blank">The Home Renovations Show </a>is coming
up here in Ottawa at the EY Centre on Jan 23-25. I’m holding out hope that they’ll have a booth for a
business called something like, “Reliable Rentable Handy-Spouses” there, where
I can hire myself a temporary husband or wife with contractor skills who can
make this bathroom reno the real LAST one I ever do here.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And lucky for me and you, the organizers are sweethearts and
sent me free tickets. If you’d like a pair, I’ve got two to give away. Just
comment on this post with some details about what you’re looking to reno, and I’ll
pick a winner by January 20<sup>th</sup>. You can <a href="https://www.microspec.com/tix123/eTic.cfm?code=THRS2015" target="_blank">also go to this site</a> and use
promo code <span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%;">OHR15PC</span> <span style="font-family: inherit;">to get a discount on your own
tickets, if you don’t want to gamble on the free pairs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Godspeed to you and your
renos. And if you see me at the show, feel free to offer me tequila shots. Or
the loan of your handy-spouse.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-9867485865988291562014-12-27T21:04:00.000-05:002014-12-27T21:04:31.600-05:00Sharks in Pools: Who's Crazy Now?Okay okay okay. So I had to share this with you all. Because us anxiety disorder sufferers spend so much of our time feeling like nutbars, and yes we can be...but sometimes we're not.<br />
<br />
Last month I wrote a post here about how my brain tries to convince me there's <a href="http://girlcrafted.blogspot.ca/2014/11/only-good-girls-keep-diaries.html#.VJ9j7V4APA" target="_blank">going to be a shark in the swimming pool</a> when I go to the gym. I wrote about telling myself how insane that was, and trying to get over the fear. And then yesterday, THIS popped up on my facebook newsfeed:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBpk2FogedcFcxEGWu_T2zdJczFDigVTPxFszWxxl3HdjenknYdAYMFVjLdl-9cORined3tZsN-6FvSqQV4p1aejGTz-kYsGobPlz6FUB8JtP2JGA_cIgp9OLYuHPzF1RRuu1AneP6WEGh/s1600/sharks+on+fb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBpk2FogedcFcxEGWu_T2zdJczFDigVTPxFszWxxl3HdjenknYdAYMFVjLdl-9cORined3tZsN-6FvSqQV4p1aejGTz-kYsGobPlz6FUB8JtP2JGA_cIgp9OLYuHPzF1RRuu1AneP6WEGh/s1600/sharks+on+fb.jpg" height="560" width="640" /></a></div>
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It's like the time I saw a psychologist for a while to talk about my phobias, and I told her at the start of the sessions that I was pretty sure spiders are <i>literally</i> out to get me and she told me I was being irrational...but then, in our last session, after hearing all about my encounters with them, she said (I kid you not): "You know, Jordan, you may actually be right that these spiders are out to get you." She wasn't even kidding.<br />
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Sometimes we're crazies, yes; but sometimes we're just way ahead of the curve.Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-76641492535483361712014-12-19T21:41:00.000-05:002014-12-20T01:04:40.832-05:00This Christmas Isn't Even About the Giving.<br />
Usually for me, I think Christmas is all about the gift-giving, because I <i>love</i> giving gifts.<br />
<br />
Not this year. This year, it's all about what I've received.<br />
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Christmas stands as a marker of the passage of time. It's like a cairn in the great journey, and it reorients me to where I am--both in time and space. Each Christmas season I reflect on the twelve months that have passed, and this year, I'm overwhelmed by the people.<br />
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There are the rotten ones, the ones that I've weeded out. I found a quote last January that read, "Let go of what doesn't grow", and I spent this year trying to do just that. That means I let go of some people, gently and with great care. At the time I often felt miserable about these partings, but now I see what's managed to grow in the spaces these people were previously occupying...and strangely, I now feel gratitude for those who were weeded out. Thank you for saving that space for the next thing; thank you for going away when it was time.<br />
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There are the wonderful people in much greater numbers, though. Old friends who I've reconnected with, and old friends who I've barely seen, but who I love to have as friends even at a distance. New friends who have become permanent fixtures in my life, bringing with them fresh new joys never before experienced. And new loves, bringing with them all the heartrending treats and tribulations, the sweet stinging pain of human affection.<br />
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I have been gifted this year with support at home from my best friend, MJ. I count myself blessed to have someone I love so much be so close at hand.<br />
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My work has been made more rewarding by the friendship and mentorship of my business partner, someone I so much enjoy working with--but probably even more enjoy making laugh.<br />
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My dog trainer, who has become a cherished friend and has quickly become one of the first people I think of when I need to ask myself, "What would someone wiser than me do in this situation?"<br />
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My CapitalGeekGirls.com co-editor, Pepper, who has no earthly idea how much I appreciate her for her skill and her patience.<br />
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My boss at the school where I teach, who has helped me realize my dream of teaching and who is so marvelously supportive and encouraging.<br />
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There are so many more, some of whom have touched my life in such personal ways that I can't bring myself to explain them here.<br />
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This year Christmas isn't about the gift-giving for me, because there is absolutely no way I can possibly express my admiration, adoration, and gratitude to my people. It's overwhelming. I've faced some serious trials of late, but all these wondrous people have softened the blows and sweetened the victories. I cannot possibly say 'thank you' with little things wrapped in paper. There is nothing on earth I can give them that would equate to the gifts they give me. I am in awe.<br />
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I feel like I got to open new presents every day this year, all of them on two legs. Oh, and sometimes four...can't forget the pup.Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-72302298574005684132014-12-09T08:12:00.002-05:002014-12-09T08:12:58.013-05:00Best of: Crafty Geeky Christmas on Girl, Crafted. Stockings!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwr60LXKYSFphdl-UFj3KJpIsNEbWjvqsJScrYvChKFRH9wnGnhHEwYqSwxBdt2QlzXx4xyiCBHtJA4AkcqCzFPWXmA79cR7q4cvSPIBDqco6PX0QAR0jroK2A9rdPuzlBAEXrmzjFoVfm/s1600/20141203_223124.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwr60LXKYSFphdl-UFj3KJpIsNEbWjvqsJScrYvChKFRH9wnGnhHEwYqSwxBdt2QlzXx4xyiCBHtJA4AkcqCzFPWXmA79cR7q4cvSPIBDqco6PX0QAR0jroK2A9rdPuzlBAEXrmzjFoVfm/s1600/20141203_223124.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
I love making stuff by hand for Christmas, especially when people have very particular tastes that cannot be satisfied by store-bought, mass-produced things. A couple Christmases ago, I shared this <a href="http://girlcrafted.blogspot.ca/2012/12/diy-craft-cool-christmas-stocking.html#.VIbyxDHF-b8" target="_blank">DIY geeky stocking tutorial</a> when I made three stockings for three special friends. I thought you should know that I, too, go back and revisit my old posts, use the tutorials, follow the recipes, etc. So this year for a new friend who also didn't have a stocking (poor deprived children!), I made a very special archery-themed one.<br />
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This is much less sparkly and colourful than my personal taste. It's quiet understated for a holiday decoration. BUT, it is perfect for the recipient, and indeed when I asked him if I could add just a little glitter, he gave me an emphatic 'NO'. So he can keep his understated stocking as-is, which is still pretty great quite frankly.<br />
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If you'd like to try your hand at a stocking, <a href="http://girlcrafted.blogspot.ca/2012/12/diy-craft-cool-christmas-stocking.html#.VIbyxDHF-b8" target="_blank">here's the original tutorial</a>. Once you've got the basic jist, you can make any type of stocking you might want. And these actually make great Christmas gifts, because you can personalize them so much and they'll be using them year after year.<br />
<br />
Fifteen days 'til Christmas...keep calm and craft on!Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-64491129989695890192014-11-26T13:13:00.000-05:002014-11-26T13:13:00.699-05:00Be Broken. Be Open. Be Okay with Chaos.<div class="MsoNormal">
I read two really great articles recently that spoke to me,
and I think they may speak to you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUChwrJxx0fLM6bh18cdHY9s506v-0wr3x-6-XY6jFiLj3dnRFJjIm-MxU28Cm08JjQnnwg6guUOffsCCCzyF1rQ-gg67X3rXzp6uarwZeBYNWdQhJzuQJvueH1m-8MZ0obuN2dRkakH1o/s1600/BED+1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUChwrJxx0fLM6bh18cdHY9s506v-0wr3x-6-XY6jFiLj3dnRFJjIm-MxU28Cm08JjQnnwg6guUOffsCCCzyF1rQ-gg67X3rXzp6uarwZeBYNWdQhJzuQJvueH1m-8MZ0obuN2dRkakH1o/s1600/BED+1.PNG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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The first one was called “<a href="http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/06/why-being-broken-in-a-pile-on-your-bedroom-floor-is-a-good-idea-julie-jc-peters/">Why
Lying Broken In a Pile On Your Bedroom Floor is a Good Idea”</a> by JC Peters.
The second was a piece called <a href="http://www.disabledmagazine.com/time-to-get-honest-about-being-disabled/" target="_blank">“Time To Get Honest About Being Disabled”</a>,
published in <i>Disabled Magazine</i> and written by a man named David A Grant who’s a
traumatic brain injury survivor.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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These two articles on their own are amazing and powerful,
but reading them both in one week has sort of blown my mind.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>THE GODDESS WHO'S ALWAYS BROKEN</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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Julie Peters explains in her article that there’s a goddess
named Akhilanda, whose name basically means “Never Not Broken”. Peters (and
Akhi herself) sort of suggest the idea that being broken is part of growth,
part of change; so instead of looking at ourselves and saying, “Whyyyy am I so
broken? I suck because I’m broken,” we can say, “I am broken because I am
growing.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>I am broken because that’s how things grow</i>. So being broken
(physically or mentally, whatever you’re dealing with) isn’t weakness, and it’s
not the endgame; it’s the start of the new you. And if you’re like me and you
crave constant growth, then you’ve got to expect—and embrace—constant breakage.
<i>I come undone because I am always undone</i>. I am never finished. I am an agent of
change.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>THE WASTEFUL PURSUIT OF PERCEIVED PERFECTION</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
This obviously paired really beautifully with Grant’s
article, which talked about how much time we all spend trying to appear ‘normal’
or ‘healthy’. God, we expend a lot of energy trying to pretend we’re OK. And
for what? Grant points out that those of us with invisible ‘broken parts’ can
become isolated by our own perfect acting. Instead of burning ourselves out
pretending we’re fine, why can’t we just accept ourselves as imperfect
creatures? If we all did this, unabashedly and with a sense of pride for our
individualized strengths, wouldn’t we find out that normal isn’t the norm at
all? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>CHAOS IS A FRIEND OF MINE</b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I read these two articles the same week that I saw Bob, my
psycho-spiritual mechanic (my counsellor, in layman’s terms) and he suggested
that I need to start working on better embracing chaos when it hits. I’m not a
chaos fan. I like things to fit neatly into little boxes, to start when they’re
supposed to start and end when they’re supposed to end. I like things quiet
unless it’s an orderly noise. I like it when the dog stops shedding for the season.
I like it when my house is clean.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This week I stopped trying to keep away the chaos. I started
by giving up on my house cleaning. I never really get on top of it anyway, what
with teaching and running a start-up company; why stress about what I can’t
currently control anyway? That drove me a bit batty, but I managed and I
figured that would be what I told Bob I did this week—yay, me. Instead, the
goddess Akhilanda decided I needed to be pushed a little further. So on
Wednesday morning my car wouldn’t start, and after four days of driving around
a loaner while we diagnosed the problem, the <i>loaner</i> blew a tire, leaving me stranded in a Chapters parking lot. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><b>LEARNING GAINS MOMENTUM </b></o:p></div>
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<o:p><b><br /></b></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s a funny thing, personal growth. When you decide to
start down a road of self-discovery and self-acceptance, momentum can start to
pick up. One learning opportunity after another will start to happen, sometimes
faster and faster until you can’t tell where one ends and the next begins. As I
stood beside my loaner car waiting for help, I called MJ and laughed with all
my heart at the ridiculous chaos of my life. I didn’t freak out. I just
laughed, bought myself a banana loaf inside, and waited for help.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I guess, if I package up all my learning this week for
you to also benefit from, I’d have to say this to you:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Be forever broken.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Embrace it, inside and out.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>And don’t fear the chaos, because it’s part of the eternal
breaking/mending cycle.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two days later, my car is fixed, I’ve scored some major
victories in my work, and I’m sitting in my chair now, listening to MJ sing
as she bakes while Corben sheds relentlessly all over my feet and my unwashed
hardwood floors. And I’m pretty content, actually.<o:p></o:p></div>
Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-56490967742937414642014-11-19T13:02:00.000-05:002014-11-19T13:02:00.515-05:00Some Tuesdays are Mondays.<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302948px; line-height: 17.5636348724365px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Tuesday went like this.</div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.63636302948px; line-height: 17.5636348724365px;">I got up at 5:30am.</span></div>
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I fought with the doors on my car that had frozen shut, then drove <i>past</i> the school I teach at as I forgot where I was going; pulled a U-turn down the street and actually drove<i> to </i>the school instead of past it this time.</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 6px;">
Ran with my dog Corben to the building as his feet started burning from salt, and I realized I can't carry him now that he's 53lbs. Taught class. Got call from MJ back at the house: she's ill.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I drove home on class break, made her tea, checked temperature, and gathered crackers. Drove back to school, taught another class with angry students this time (long story). </div>
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<br /></div>
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Drove to a client's for a troubleshooting thing, then to the grocery store for sick MJ food. Drove home, made MJ sweet potato slices in the oven (a compromise, as she wanted tater tots DESPITE STOMACH FLU).</div>
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Found that dog had dragged the mug we use to scoop sidewalk sand into the house and onto my bed, where the snow it contained had melted.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
I put dog outside for a pee, then brought him in even though he brought a big rock into the house to chew on. Took rock away from dog, discovered rock was actually his own frozen poop. Cleaned hands, floor, etc.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Took dog to THREE PET STORES looking for boots, found nothing his size. Came home, sat down for the first time in 14 hours.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Ate leftovers, stared blankly at my to-do list until bedtime while watching MJ scroll through thinkgeek.com. Eventually dragged yoga mat into her room so I could try stretching out my screaming sore back.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
So yeah, pretty normal day.</div>
</div>
Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-8125707156555041692014-11-14T10:08:00.001-05:002014-11-14T10:08:41.425-05:00Only Good Girls Keep DiariesI haven't been blogging. There's a couple reasons for this.<br />
<br />
<b>ONE: I'M SO STRESSED I'M SEEING SHARKS.</b><br />
<br />
One: I'm so overworked that I can barely remember how to put on pants. I'm not joking. The other morning I went out for a smoke and instead stuck my pen in my mouth, and it took me <i>several minutes</i> to realize it wasn't a cigarette.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5xWaScOLOTBantLV6KcrpCOx2zCidD-PR-WcYk14zB2VC8z-g_kiK-7etehT2-8XbZlmfxDLIZtSDjcfpSVOQWVBK7GnvFOt2KYv6GNKO3MmJpjWjuqXTAFGjgA8SmMVHWaXkafd51kxD/s1600/shark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5xWaScOLOTBantLV6KcrpCOx2zCidD-PR-WcYk14zB2VC8z-g_kiK-7etehT2-8XbZlmfxDLIZtSDjcfpSVOQWVBK7GnvFOt2KYv6GNKO3MmJpjWjuqXTAFGjgA8SmMVHWaXkafd51kxD/s1600/shark.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">credit: morguefile</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
When I get stressed, I sleep poorly, and when I sleep poorly, my nerves get shot, and then my imagination takes off, and then I'm doomed. I went for a swim last week and midway through, I had the pool to myself. This should have been nice but instead my imagination said, "Hey...what if there's a shark in here?" This is something my head used to whisper to me when I was a kid at the lake, and it boggles my mind that it still whispers this today when I'm an adult--an adult swimming <i>in a pool</i>. Yes, it's a saltwater pool; no, I don't think it can sustain marine life. I asked my head, <i>Why are you doing this? How the hell do you think a shark would get in here? </i>And my head said, <i>Someone brought it in.</i><br />
<br />
After a moment of stunned silence, I said, <i>Are you seriously suggesting that some nutjob somehow,</i><br />
<i>a. Acquired a live shark large enough to eat a human,</i><br />
<i>b. Figured out a way to safely transport this six-foot fanged monster to the gym,</i><br />
<i>c. Slipped the shark past security,</i><br />
<i>d. Somehow grabbed the shark around its middle, heaved the thousand-pound, toothy beast along the pool deck, then slipped it into the water, where it has managed to hide, somehow camouflaged into the light-blue paint, waiting for ME to get into the water so it could eat me?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
My head seemed to ponder the mental image I had created, then said, <i>I'm not suggesting, exactly. I'm just wondering.</i><br />
<br />
My swim was completely ruined. Other people fear monsters in the basement. My imagination eschews the dark and silent spaces, and instead injects nightmares into brightly-lit public pools where pop music blares over the speakers.<br />
<br />
<b>TWO: PRIVACY MATTERS.</b><br />
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My second reason for not blogging lately is that some things are developing. My love life, for one. I've surmised that I'm loathe to share this with the great invisible public because sharing such intimate details in the past has been hard. When my first blog, the wedding blog, went viral, it was weird for me. Well, beyond weird. Being recognized on the street can be cool but also uncomfortable. When my marriage ended, I faced not only the usual judgement that all failing couples deal with from friends and family, but also the judgement of anonymous strangers from all corners of the world. There are literally message boards discussing my divorce. After my boyfriend Alan and I broke up, I tried to keep that really quiet, but I felt critical eyes on me again, made more painful because I now had had two breakups from two different relationships that I'd felt confident were 'the one'(s).<br />
<br />
I know, internally, that these things happen. It takes time to find a permanent mate, and maybe some of us never do. I also know that if you follow any thirty-something bloggess for 5+ years (as you may have done with me), relationship starts and stops will be part of the narrative. But for a short time here, I have been silent on my blog because I needed a break. I needed some time for this new relationship to grow some roots and take hold. And I needed that relationship to be made up of just two people, not two people + the peanut gallery. I also know, though, that being a writer means writing from the heart. It's a double-edged sword, this burning compulsion to narrate life.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>THE REST OF MY REASONS: </b><br />
<br />
Oh, and reasons 3, 4, 5 for not blogging lately:<br />
-My career is going through a growth-spurt that has me up at 5:30am and in bed at midnight;<br />
-My dog training is in its final stages and requires a great deal of time and energy;<br />
-I've been out living life rather than writing about it.<br />
<br />
There's a quote: "Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have the time." That's basically me right now, except not so much 'Sex & the City' and more, 'Liz Lemon in 30 Rock'.<br />
<br />
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Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-12676598317064835272014-10-20T09:54:00.001-04:002014-10-20T10:59:15.192-04:00Pumpkin Tutorial: Mini Pumpkin Vampires<b>PUMPKIN VAMPIRES--NOT THE SPARKLE-IN-THE-DAYLIGHT KIND</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1zo-WY4EbFp6Xr8k0pOySWZe4UwRqoKmvivsPl5-S_Z8wp7jefO8TEYTcXvkQhZ3Px6e2n67ZYiy6zWZn_w5jKkXcZOOS-FQdlOAqo3da5xCrpKhaOrjR12jRwPX1UopaSyepvSHDQnq2/s1600/PUMP+VAMP.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1zo-WY4EbFp6Xr8k0pOySWZe4UwRqoKmvivsPl5-S_Z8wp7jefO8TEYTcXvkQhZ3Px6e2n67ZYiy6zWZn_w5jKkXcZOOS-FQdlOAqo3da5xCrpKhaOrjR12jRwPX1UopaSyepvSHDQnq2/s1600/PUMP+VAMP.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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We went a little nuts this season and bought a half-dozen giant orange pumpkins, which are sitting on my doorstep and generally crowding out anyone trying to get into my house. But aside from that, we also found a bag of tiny white pumpkins, and I wanted to do something special with them. So here's my tutorial, so that you, too, can have some dashing pumpkin vampires outside your home this Hallowe'en. And remember: size matters not. If you have enough felt, you can make these fellas out of big pumpkins, too.<br />
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<b>WHAT YOU'LL NEED:</b><br />
White pumpkins (small or medium likely best)<br />
Small silver pins<br />
Sewing pins with heads<br />
Beads<br />
Embroidery floss<br />
Felt (black used here)<br />
Hot glue gun<br />
Carrots, other accessories as desired<br />
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<b>WHAT YOU'LL DO:</b><br />
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<b>1. STACK AND MAKE A HAT.</b><br />
Loosely stack your pumpkins so you know which one will be on top, then make a hat out of felt. It's easy: cut a circle for the base. Then cut a long rectangle to make a cylinder. Glue the cyclinder shut, then glue the cyclinder to the base, which is now the brim. Glue another small square on the top to close up the hat, then trim off the excess so it's round on top, too.<br />
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<b>2. PUT ON EYES.</b><br />
I used some beads, which I poked into place with those sewing pins with heads on them. You could try another method but I'm cautious with adhesives on something that is going to get wet and slimy and frosty.<br />
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<b>3. NOSE AND A SMILE.</b><br />
I chose to make my nose out of a carrot, which I know is a bit like a snowman, but originally I'd WANTED snowmen, and anyway they're cute. I cut down some baby carrots and held them in place with more of the tiny silver pins.<br />
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The smile, I did with hot glue and a piece of embroidery thread. You can improvise here, as well. Little silver felt teeth were added; you can make teeth of whatever you have around. Maybe candy corn pinned into place?<br />
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<b>4. PIN YOUR PUMPKIN TOGETHER.</b><br />
This is a frustrating step. I didn't want to use glue in case the temperature changes outside made it break apart, so I used sewing pins of various types to stab the pumpkins into each other. You could use nails or screws with bigger pumpkins. I did six or more pins around each pumpkin connection point.<br />
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<b>5. MAKE A CAPE.</b><br />
I actually ran out of felt, so I had to cut up an old fine-knit sweater for our capes. But it would have been easier with felt. If you're using fabric, the top stand-up part of the cape (the tall 'lapels', if you will) will need to be backed with someone stiff to make them stand up. I used scraps of felt, and glue gunned them into place.<br />
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The capes are basically a triangle but instead of getting pointy at the top, they widen out again into another rectangle shape, depending on how you think about it.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZbSOu02NP-EfAhUzAK4nHk6IvBJbN7nlhTChFKrDX3mK-8pmPKmkL-9M12hDCvCnFt5NNlcO_3lSR5JHAqYyH2VqP-l4Kby-gVpTWuUlolf1luxDQUcanRawe9UokulDzLMvTq4dQzHgX/s1600/20141018_085020.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZbSOu02NP-EfAhUzAK4nHk6IvBJbN7nlhTChFKrDX3mK-8pmPKmkL-9M12hDCvCnFt5NNlcO_3lSR5JHAqYyH2VqP-l4Kby-gVpTWuUlolf1luxDQUcanRawe9UokulDzLMvTq4dQzHgX/s1600/20141018_085020.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's the top part of the cape: the rectangle will create the tall lapels<br />
and the felt piece there will keep it stiff.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
At this point I took another piece of embroidery thread and tied the cape around the pumpkin dude's neck.<br />
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Then I added a bit of glue to the cape around the head area to keep it in place.<br />
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<b>YOU'RE DONE. ENJOY.</b><br />
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Your pumpkin vampires are now ready for a night on the town! They're cute and also creepy, which is a bonus.<br />
Remember to be creative. You can add and take away as you please!<br />
If you make your own, share it on my <a href="http://facebook.com/girlcrafted" target="_blank">facebook page</a> or tweet me on<a href="http://twitter.com/jordandangerinc" target="_blank"> twitter!</a> I wanna see!Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-73558454313196196542014-10-07T13:19:00.001-04:002014-10-07T15:52:10.571-04:00Mental Health Advice: Not for the rookies.FIVE WAYS TO TAKE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH TO THE NEXT LEVEL<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQMHkXbSaln-KVSURzAHVjkiZeqd6ps6zu15mWfa0bBESAeSaC3OnYSlTND6QcAin78tg32Rgkwce9STwZG1zHzyOkAWN_0lbREXqSgERh7CLbRt6xEpbjKTpwOuuketDuFOMAiSJaq5aL/s1600/P1190323.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQMHkXbSaln-KVSURzAHVjkiZeqd6ps6zu15mWfa0bBESAeSaC3OnYSlTND6QcAin78tg32Rgkwce9STwZG1zHzyOkAWN_0lbREXqSgERh7CLbRt6xEpbjKTpwOuuketDuFOMAiSJaq5aL/s1600/P1190323.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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It's Mental Health Awareness Week. You're likely going to see lots of posts talking about things you can do to take care of yourself, and for those of you who were already practicing a lot of this stuff, these advice articles will feel redundant or much too basic. Let me give some suggestions for the 'advanced' class out there. Here are some things you can do, after you've done the usual bubble bath and annual physical, that may really make a positive impact on your mental health.<br />
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<b>1. START A NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH A NEW COUNSELLOR.</b><br />
Haven't seen a counsellor in a while? Or maybe you've been seeing the same one for a long time, and you find yourself wondering what else is out there? Go find out. Having a counsellor is a type of relationship, and sometimes relationships finish serving their purpose. You've grown, after all; your boyfriend from grade nine wouldn't suit you when you're thirty and likewise, your needs may no longer be met by your original counsellor. Go ahead, take a leap, and try someone new. The best part about counsellors: no messy break-up, just a quick cancellation and you're done. You can just keep moving on to new ones 'til you find one that fits your needs.<br />
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<b>2. QUIT YOUR JOB.</b><br />
Yes, I know; jobs are hard to find and you may be looking at a pay cut here. This isn't something to treat lightly, but likewise, neither is your mental health. I've had loved ones take pay cuts to preserve their wellbeing and none of them have regretted it. That being said, maybe a job change for some of you would actually mean a pay <i>increase</i>; maybe it's time to put your name in for that manager job, or it's finally the right time to start your own business. You could easily move into a job with more responsibilities, risk, or hardship, yet still feel better at the end of each day. It's so important to remember, either way, that your job doesn't define you--but it does occupy a huge amount of your time on earth. Go bigger, or go smaller, but don't stagnate in a job that's ruining your mental health. Take a leap.<br />
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<b>3. START SUBTRACTING.</b><br />
Get rid of shtuff. If you look around your home, chances are there's at least a half-dozen things that you've got on display that are strictly obligation objects: things that were given to you on some occasion that you don't really love. Put them in a box and post them for free on the internet. Now go through your closet and do the same for every piece of clothing that doesn't make you feel like a rock star. Now, junk any jewellery given to you by exes who you don't really like. I'm also adding: there may be people you need to get rid of, too. That's ok, and that can be equally as cathartic.<br />
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<b>4. REALIZE THAT YOU DESERVE GOOD THINGS.</b><br />
This <i>should </i>be a beginner's step, but it's harder than it sounds: you must learn to accept the fact that you deserve good things. Chant it to yourself throughout the day. It is your new mantra. "I deserve good things." Use your mantra as a shield against people trying to dole out crap to you. Use your mantra as a shining star to guide your relationship choices. Use it as your backbone when you need to confront a boss or coworker on jerky behaviour.<br />
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<b>5. GO TO BED AND GET OUT OF BED.</b><br />
There's a particular method to this, and it's meant for those of you who may be going through a rough, stressful, or otherwise difficult time:<br />
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<i>a. Go to bed when you don't want to.</i><br />
Stress will keep you up; likewise being over-booked for things that may even seem to be good for you. The next time you go to sign up for that late-evening spin class, or are trying to finish reading that last textbook chapter, stop yourself and <i>go to bed.</i> You need not just down time, but 'flatline' time, too. Hell, it could be something you do midday: instead of vacuuming while you eat lunch standing up, go lie down on the couch with a blanket, eat your sammie, then close your eyes for twenty minutes.<br />
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<i>b. Get out of bed when you don't want to.</i><br />
When things are really sucking, there will come points where you can practically hear the couch or the bed calling to you. It'd be so much easier, they whisper, just to sleep all afternoon than to deal with that family problem/personal problem/general malaise/frustrating thing. I have had so many of my great successes at times where, five minutes earlier, I had almost given in to the siren call of my pillow. Push yourself just a little bit, to put that depression/sadness/stress behind you, and <i>try</i> for just five minutes more. You may be really surprised by what happens when you do.<br />
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I wish you all a wonderful Mental Health Awareness Week. Be kind to one another, and for the love of heaven, be kind to yourself.<br />
<br />Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-78145766883712538442014-09-18T12:44:00.002-04:002014-09-18T12:44:59.562-04:00DIY Bunting: Make your own string of pennants<b>DIY TUTORIAL: MAKE YOUR OWN BUNTING</b><div>
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Have you heard of bunting? I can almost guarantee you've seen it, whether or not you knew what it was called.</div>
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Bunting is often thought of as a kid's thing, but I've made it a couple times now for adults and it's always well-received. You can do it up so it matches your decor, or fits in a cubicle, or specific to a holiday theme. When a friend of mine was sick this summer and needed a spirit boost, I did up this bunting for her; I just kept wishing I had enough time to also make myself one!</div>
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<b>HERE'S HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN:</b></div>
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<b>YOU WILL NEED:</b></div>
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Fabric (any kind that doesn't fray a lot, if you're going to be doing it the lazy way like I do.)</div>
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Felt (enough to back the triangles)</div>
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Ribbon </div>
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Sewing machine with needles/thread (or fabric glue for the super lazy way)</div>
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Scissors</div>
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Felt or another fabric for the letters</div>
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<b>STEPS:</b></div>
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1. Cut out your triangles of felt.</div>
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I made a template out of cardstock, and traced it onto the felt. </div>
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2. Sew the felt to the fabric.</div>
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I do this so that I don't really have to worry about matching up edges or a lot of fraying.</div>
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3. Cut out the felt triangles, now attached to the fabric.</div>
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This gives you one side felt (for added weight and durability) and one side fabric (for the pretty side!)</div>
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4. Sew the whole thing into the ribbon.</div>
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Leave lots at the ends for tying up somewhere or for pinning to a wall. Space the triangles out evenly.</div>
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5. Cut and sew (or glue) your letters.</div>
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My bestie MJ actually did the lettering for this bunting. She cut out stencils by printing a cool font onto paper, then tracing and cutting. We glued the letters down because sewing around letters makes me crazy.</div>
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6. Hang and enjoy!</div>
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You'll find you have your best success if you keep the letters to 8 or less. Otherwise it can get a little large and unwieldy. </div>
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Choosing coordinating colours can be tricky but it's worth the time to look for the right stuff. For small amounts of fabric (eg for the letters) consider using those squares (sometimes called 'fat squares') meant for quilting.</div>
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Have fun with it! There's no point in making crafts that make you miserable while you make them. Especially if it's a gift: gifts should come from a place of happiness and love. So don't stress about it too much, and just enjoy the process! Throw on some tunes or a Gilmore Girls rerun, and zen out with glue and scissors.</div>
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Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-26767434781087285462014-09-03T12:03:00.001-04:002014-09-03T12:57:01.558-04:00Wocky Is ComingSo Wocky is coming today and I had this idea, so I hobbled together an image with an app and some photoshop and I'm pretty freakin' pleased with this:<br />
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If you're unfamiliar with Wocky, you have missed one of my best posts of all time, <a href="http://girlcrafted.blogspot.ca/2013/01/world-meet-wocky-badger-that-lives-in.html#.VAc3sfldWb8" target="_blank">so go read it here</a>.<br />
If you think this is awesome and I should make shirts you can buy to announce the coming of your own monthly Wocky, send me an email (jordandangerwrites@gmail.com) with words of encouragement ("Do it now!!!") or comment on this post.<br />
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If you ARE familiar with Wocky, be very very careful around me today.Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-26175610637594513862014-09-01T18:12:00.000-04:002014-09-01T18:12:21.192-04:00Quick Pre-School UpdateSchool starts tomorrow. I mean, not for me as a student, but as a teacher. I teach at a college. It's fun. No, it's amazing. I love it. But I'm super nervous because it's the first day of school. My coordinator told me that when you stop being nervous before the first day of school, it's time to stop teaching. So I must be a KICK ASS teacher.<br />
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Anyway, when I'm this worked up, my head doesn't operate at the normal rate. It does this thing that reminds me of my dad channel-flipping after dinner before the days of 'menu' buttons: 2.5 seconds on each channel, just enough time to hear a few words and see a few images before going on to the next thing which may be entirely different than the last thing. Observe:<br />
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WHAT MY BRAIN IS FLIPPING THROUGH RIGHT NOW<br />
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I keep doing a load of laundry but then forgetting to move it to the dryer. When will they invent a washer/dryer combo?<br />
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I want to play Call of Duty. How can I get enough work done today to play--no. Not happening.<br />
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Oooh, I have vegan cheesey popcorn. It's all the way across the room. K, nevermind, focus.<br />
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I am SO TIRED of watching Happy Endings repeats but I refuse to let myself watch something actually new or interesting 'til I'm totally ready for class tomorrow. This may be a permanent state of purgatory.<br />
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I have someone on my mind a lot lately. Someone cool I met. I keep doing stupid things, like shaving only one leg in the shower, or missing my highway exit. I tried to write out my thoughts on this person in my journal; while I'm usually a colourful and insightful writer, that page reads like a sixteen year-old's diary. I definitely used the words 'hot' and 'cool' way too many times and never as they were originally defined.<br />
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I really need new glasses.<br />
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I want a peanut butter and banana sandwich.<br />
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Ohhhhh my GAWD, I'm tired of these Happy Endings reruns.<br />
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What do I wear to school tomorrow? How do you straddle the line between casual and professional so the students feel you're approachable but also don't mistake you for a fellow student? Also, how do you get yourself to care about this when your first class is at 8 in the morning?<br />
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Nevermind. The phone has rung. It's that person. Yep. All thought stops here. :)Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-30770849243774450562014-08-19T16:10:00.000-04:002014-08-19T16:10:22.101-04:00Random Update: My Week In SnippetsI have been really busy this week, because I launched my own business (yep, I grab life by the balls, people), and I've been doing miserable things like getting cavities filled (though most of my time was spent sitting and waiting for the freezing to work while my hygienist and I discussed online dating forums), and in the middle I've been trying to actually get out of the house a little. So I haven't had time to formulate some big clever post this week, nor have I had time to post some awesome recipes and DIY stuff I've been doing. It'll come, don't worry. In the meantime, here's a very short summary of what has been happening.<br />
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<b>LAUNCHING MY BUSINESS: </b><br />
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I took a big leap and<a href="http://dangercommunications.com/" target="_blank"> started my own marketing firm</a>. I was already working freelance, but I wanted to take things to the next level and really brand it. It's freakin' scary, but I love what I do and I prefer to do it on my own terms. This way I never end up marketing Nesquik or Axe body spray or anything else that makes me feel dirty. I celebrated the launch of my business by promptly losing my day planner, which is still MIA as it flew off the roof of my car. I spent the next two days curled up in a ball while I tried to remember all my appointments and notes. I recommend you, too, reach for the stars and go for that dream career that you've always wanted, no matter how scared you are...but I recommend you find a different way to mark the occasion.<br />
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<b>MJ MOVED IN:</b><br />
My best friend MJ moved in with me a couple months ago. I didn't really mention that yet, because I wasn't sure what to say other than, "YAYYYYYYY". Not every pair of friends should live together, but MJ and I have a history and lived together for four years previously, so now, in our 11th year of knowing each other, we felt pretty confident in our decision to be roomies. I don't know exactly how she's feeling about it, but I can tell you that *I* am thrilled. For one thing, I feel less likely to develop a brain tumor from holding the phone to my head for 2+ hours a day while talking to her. Also, we can do little chats throughout the day rather than one long one...it's like Stadtler and Waldorf shorts on The Muppet Show, in their balcony, laughing at their own jokes. But today especially felt like a day where I could say, "Yeah, I'm living with the right person," because she left me this note in the morning:<br />
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Only a best friend would know exactly how to make me laugh first thing in the morning like that.<br />
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<b>CORBEN TAKES THE TRAIN, AND A BUS: </b><br />
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<a href="http://girlcrafted.blogspot.ca/search/label/Fawkes" target="_blank">Corben's training continues</a> and is getting more interesting as his age/brain increases. Last week we took him on a steam train at the museum to teach him about trains. Not, like, to teach him <i>about</i> trains, because I'm telling you, this dog has no interest in book learning, despite my repeated attempts to make him watch shark documentaries with me. Anyway, he had to learn how to cope with train travel and this was a great way to do it. Despite hundreds of screaming children and a wasp that flew in the train car, he handled it like a pro. So the next step is a public bus, and we went through the rigmarole of getting him recognized by the bus service, and now--no joke--Corben has his own photo ID for the bus. Yes, I'm in it, but I think I'm pretty much just there to hold him up to the camera.<br />
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<b>ONLINE DATING SUCKS, MOSTLY:</b><br />
I've been doing the online dating thing for a few months now. I started out, not to actually talk to anyone, but because I'm an A-type organization freak. So while I was lying there in bed one day, pitying myself because I was pretty sure I'm never going to find someone I want to date again, I decided to see if that was empirically accurate. Dating sites allow you to screen people based on their gender, age, financial bracket, education level, desire for children, etc etc etc. So as cold-hearted-Vulcan as it makes me sound, I went on and selected all my best case scenario choices for a mate, I found that yes, there are still some eligible mates in the world. The rest of the screening is left up to the individual, of course. If you're considering trying it out, may I suggest the following additional screening methods:<br />
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1. If they message you with, "Hey Baby/Cutie/Sexy", don't bother messaging them back.<br />
2. If they have pictures of themselves shirtless, when not on a beach, don't bother messaging them back.<br />
3. If they don't have a picture of their face, and you're not interested in participating in a round of infidelity, don't message them back.<br />
4. If they fail to use punctuation or spell check, don't bother messaging them back. Unless you're one of those people, too. In that case, I'm glad you found each other.<br />
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I may do a longer post on this topic at some point.<br />
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<b>WISDOM FOR THE WEEK:</b><br />
In dating, business, or life in general: if you are unsure if you're good enough, smart enough, or cool enough, just fake it 'til you make it. You'll get there. Here, a song for us self-effacing fake-it-til-we-make-its:<br />
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<br />Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-66010643488093233082014-08-11T19:57:00.001-04:002014-08-11T19:57:10.486-04:00For Ottawa fans: help me find my planner, please!Hey ya'll.<br />
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I have a little request for you guys. On Friday last week I lost my agenda book off the hood of my car. We were shopping at Bayshore Mall and when we left, I totally left my iPad and my planner on the roof. The iPad stuck to the roof until someone finally honked at us, but the planner was gone. Thing is, that planner has a lot of my recorded notes on things that are irrelevant to everyone else, but really crucial for me, like Corben's training practices. If you know anyone who might have seen it, or maybe if you have it and didn't know my contact info is in the front, PLEASE help.<br />
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Our travel path was: third floor of Bayshore parking lot, then out onto Bayshore Dr, then right onto Carling Ave past the Coliseum, then right again onto Pinecrest/Greenbank. We stopped to rescue the iPad at the corner of Carling and Richmond, so it fell off somewhere before there.<br />
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If you have any ideas ("I saw a man wearing a green planner as a rain hat", for example), please email me at jordandangerwrites (at) gmail (dot) com.<br />
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Thanks, friends.Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-91087043055667215672014-08-10T23:59:00.004-04:002014-08-10T23:59:49.242-04:00Learning to Listen to Your Body: a rather candid story<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM3h7HWqUcss4YP0VF6RsSnJsW_1IGJGC0EFRnbhXymMN7nfhXfj06t6Ev1_JD6h5xDwYOljj_Qd8bWdj5SzeyKYIbh3y-FChS2hkSmnCQiK7oFXvvOG_a1QnzXfvbNosTjo9uIxYaA9Kz/s1600/calm.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM3h7HWqUcss4YP0VF6RsSnJsW_1IGJGC0EFRnbhXymMN7nfhXfj06t6Ev1_JD6h5xDwYOljj_Qd8bWdj5SzeyKYIbh3y-FChS2hkSmnCQiK7oFXvvOG_a1QnzXfvbNosTjo9uIxYaA9Kz/s1600/calm.JPG" height="320" width="257" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My uterus is a badger. If you missed that post,<br />go read it. You won't regret it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I started pelvic floor physio this week. You may be wondering, 'What the hell is pelvic floor physio?' and if you've ever been to a typical physiotherapy clinic, you're probably trying to picture what that would look like. Would there be people doing supervised kegels beside the guy with the bum knee who's stepping on and off that fake staircase? Women throwing medicine balls back and forth using nothing but their thighs and groin muscles? Well, maybe that's just my imagination. Nevermind.<br />
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It's nothing like that, of course. It's private, for one; a small, quiet exam room and a typical medical bed. There are a hundred reasons for pelvic floor physio for both men and women: tailbone pain, groin pain, injury or surgery recovery, post natal scary stuff, trauma healing...you name it. My reason is tied to my endometriosis, <a href="http://girlcrafted.blogspot.ca/2013/01/world-meet-wocky-badger-that-lives-in.html" target="_blank">which I've talked about before</a>, but in a nutshell I'll just say that my body has learned that life=pain, so my insides are in a constant charlie horse and we're teaching it to relax.<br />
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Naturally, the best way to teach your body to relax is to enter an exam room and take off your pants, right?<br />
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I'm sharing this rather personal story because this is a therapy that I've put off for years, figuring that it would be uncomfortable and awkward and possibly painful. Occasionally though, I like to share an anecdote in the hopes that it'll help other people to be brave. Well, this is for you would-be brave people.<br />
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<b>THE BEGINNING</b><br />
<br />
My therapist has pink hair and is about my age. She made me laugh almost right away, and more importantly, she laughed at all my jokes. This is the first step to making Jordan feel totally relaxed. I felt like this was someone who would totally 'get' my lady garden experience, unlike so many old men gynecologists who looked pale if I mentioned words like "labia" or "cervical mucus"; I swear, some doctors really seem more comfortable when women just use words like "down there" and "inside area".<br />
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<b>THE QUESTIONS</b><br />
<br />
She then asked me a bunch of medical questions, which I usually find stressful. But the cool thing was that a lot of these questions were ones I'd never been asked before; they were relevant to me and my symptoms. Some of these symptoms were things that other doctors had shrugged off long ago. For instance, did you know that if your insides are really really cramped up, you can experience nerve-like tingling in your thighs? Well, I know that now--and consequently, my odd tingling thighs are no longer a medical mystery. Unless you've experienced enigmatic medical symptoms, I don't think you can fully appreciate the overwhelming joy that comes from hearing someone tell you they understand <i>why</i> you feel that symptom, and how it works. The reassurance this gave me served to relax me further as I felt like I'd finally found somewhere that could help me.<br />
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<b>THE PART WHERE THEY TOUCH YOU</b><br />
<br />
The next step was an exam, and this meant taking off my lower-half clothing and exposing my lady parts. Male and female readers alike are probably used to exams by doctors that typically take about nine seconds: the doctor comes in, puts on a glove, pokes at an orifice, then pirouettes away from you like they're about to sneeze. I always thought the wham-bam-thank you-ma'am approach was best; I certainly have never desired to have any of my doctors lingering around down there. No, not even the cute ones, because <i>no one</i> looks good in flourescent lights and that includes my underparts, god love her.<br />
<br />
Well, there's no zipping in and out in this physio exam. My therapist had me lay back on the table and asked me if I was anxious. I was. She said, "Okay, no problem. We'll just sit here 'til you get bored." And she did. She just sat calmly between my knees, quietly waiting. I felt like my therapist and my vajayjay were silently communing with one another. Vajayjay, meet Therapist. Therapist, meet Vajayjay. I pictured them both just staring at each other. I, myself, felt like an awkward third wheel: a bystander who is keenly aware of a nonverbal exchange happening between two other people. I almost started whistling tunelessly and staring at the ceiling.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG_zlbvk0BLuTDomtFBaV8cy1EKYRSPwFUn0WM0hYYhPBdqltEJJeevdxwnNky_tv74GS7NV6uQDzNra0BOrsnL_KI5apalUTKztmkfkKbd5dTN1oiPFJVwA_9uFEjen9O5fu3yqQQwLRo/s1600/Wonder-woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG_zlbvk0BLuTDomtFBaV8cy1EKYRSPwFUn0WM0hYYhPBdqltEJJeevdxwnNky_tv74GS7NV6uQDzNra0BOrsnL_KI5apalUTKztmkfkKbd5dTN1oiPFJVwA_9uFEjen9O5fu3yqQQwLRo/s1600/Wonder-woman.jpg" height="320" width="217" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even Wonderwoman isn't on pointe<br />every minute of every day.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The approach worked, though. My therapist stopped and quietly waited anytime my body got tense. What takes most gynos a brisk ten seconds took us about twenty minutes. It was unnerving and wonderful at the same time. Instead of being more uncomfortable, this extended exam was the least painful thing I've ever experienced at a doctor's office. I've had more discomfort from a tongue depressor while checking for strep throat.<br />
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<b>THE AMAZING THING ABOUT TAKING YOUR TIME</b><br />
<br />
The whole thing reminded me that we all need to have patience with our bodies. We're not all Nike commercial athletes, with muscles that spring into perfect coordinated action with the shot of a starter pistol. Hell, even the Nike athletes' bodies aren't like that all the time. Our bodies aren't always up for stress, or sex, or running, or gardening, or handling that meatlover's pizza. Our bodies, inside and out, need to be listened to, and given patience. It reminded me most especially that sometimes I push my body way too hard, on way too little TLC. And what was amazing was that, here in this little room with a pink-haired stranger calmly waiting for my body to make up its own mind, it may have been the first occasion where I <i>ever</i> gave my body time to be itself in its own time.<br />
<br />
It was a surreal way to be taught a lesson in mindfulness. Proof that one never knows where one's next revelation will stem from--even making a new acquaintance for your cootch could be a moment of epiphany. At least, in my world it can be.Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-14643022392791100602014-08-03T19:52:00.000-04:002014-08-03T19:53:10.841-04:00Sharing Through Writing: Write What Matters<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>TO WRITE OR NOT TO WRITE?</b></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAfyc8WvOvaUDsXHPFzSU_xkl85Mj_Y4mwaaMB48toblfZYZWTLZSjbewfIYSe3VLU6hRskyJ9s77B9BO6Hl6GJ3EU_TjKRTPNKRdFzQlI2mu7CZxiaw66RCgZB31PlRnTVQd0GG8xNqnk/s1600/white-pen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAfyc8WvOvaUDsXHPFzSU_xkl85Mj_Y4mwaaMB48toblfZYZWTLZSjbewfIYSe3VLU6hRskyJ9s77B9BO6Hl6GJ3EU_TjKRTPNKRdFzQlI2mu7CZxiaw66RCgZB31PlRnTVQd0GG8xNqnk/s1600/white-pen.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Credit: Morguefile</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I had a friend (and fellow blogger) recently ask me about
writing posts that share personal matters—not the kind where I discuss my
menstrual cycle, but the kind where friends or family might be involved. He’s
got a potentially emotional story brewing, and I really wanted to think of the
right words to encourage him; to reassure him that whatever mild discomfort his
family may experience from his story would be far outweighed by the profound
affect it would have on his readers.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But I couldn’t say it, because I haven’t followed that
philosophy myself. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I have a confession to share with my readers: I’m a liar.
Well, if omission is lying. If so, then I’ve definitely sinned.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>LEAVING THINGS OUT</b></div>
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In my first blog, which was all about my wedding, I left out
many stories about the hellish family feuds that erupted, the troubles with
absentee wedding planners, the problems that my fiancé and I were having
interpersonally. Likewise with my second blog which spanned the length of my
marriage, and the start of a chronic illness which, to this day, I’ve only ever
alluded to in my writing. Upon reflection, I think it was personally
detrimental to my own processing of these events to keep things so bottled up. When
I started Girl, Crafted, I swore that would change. But there were roadblocks.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTV1QzqQdIYiPyr6tL4Fp4CAyzQNCujfEv04KT0FfO-2LYGiidW5ajvMJRMu1Kk5NSJJkDew0BI2JIL0LIXWnuk_dJ-JLMC9JHU8ePP0YtihPxMuSvkd1OsxJ1leNV3SiRaWnwT53k6tdG/s1600/IMAGEN_5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTV1QzqQdIYiPyr6tL4Fp4CAyzQNCujfEv04KT0FfO-2LYGiidW5ajvMJRMu1Kk5NSJJkDew0BI2JIL0LIXWnuk_dJ-JLMC9JHU8ePP0YtihPxMuSvkd1OsxJ1leNV3SiRaWnwT53k6tdG/s1600/IMAGEN_5.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">credit: Morguefile</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</o:p></div>
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First off, I have chosen to write under my real name. This
means that many people who read my blog actually know me and the people in my
life. Even with pseudonyms, which I use all the time, those closest to us can
likely put the puzzle pieces together. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Secondly, I have a fear of trolls—and that’s reasonable.
There are people to this day who enjoy talking about my divorce on certain
troll message boards, as if they think I don’t know they’re out there. While I
understand and accept that even my tiny sliver of fame naturally comes with
gossip and anti-fans, it’s hard on the nerves. Trolls can be exceptionally good
at saying the exact things that our own inner critics often whisper to us in
our heads.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>THE REAL ME</b></div>
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The result, unfortunately, is this: I have people in my life
who think, because I don’t blog about my deepest failures, pains, or slights,
that they do not exist. Or worse yet, that I’m ignorant of them; that I’m
heartless. I also fear that by sharing so little, I paint a rosy picture
instead of my very real, and very relatable, human experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My recent breakup is a great example. Yes, I wrote a post
about it. In an effort to avoid any backlash for my ex, and to avoid anyone
feeling like sides needed to be taken, I didn’t blog about my own experiences—not
the soul-crushing ones that led to the dissolution of the relationship, and not
the anger and pain that came after. In fact, so aware was I that many of the
people I talk to every day are readers, I didn’t share these things even in
person. I can count on one hand the number of people who know even half of
struggles. The result is that I was often labelled as callous or unfeeling;
this was exacerbated by the fact that the other side of the story was broadcast
loud for all to hear. Which leads to an interesting question: why is it so much
worse for a writer to share their true story than it is for an individual who
has a large (but face-to-face) audience? Why do we writers of the modern era
fear to hit ‘publish’ on that blog post?<o:p></o:p></div>
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I want to set the record straight. My spring breakup was not
easy on me. The decision to end things was painful and spanned many months. I
sought counselling; I tried wildly diverse tactics and techniques to mitigate
the issues we were facing. I had to come to terms with the impending loss of
two kids whom I’d come to think of as my proteges. And knowing that I would be
too afraid to share any of this, I had to come to terms with the fact that my
true grief would never be heard beyond a very small audience—not even my
household. In fact, only two people know the story. <o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6qtRIzlmZHIJraEOJV4CYu2YmjpOlMONwJMGDVNwTeR7aXQzKeVvofH5wKNuhWet7BqJD6jgSAoXMCzHTlBewmbZEZFv5EUMexBJfvG5g4BiTLjx9ShXKjSuA9yKsGaH74zgJQCM_eKjO/s1600/IMG_0030.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6qtRIzlmZHIJraEOJV4CYu2YmjpOlMONwJMGDVNwTeR7aXQzKeVvofH5wKNuhWet7BqJD6jgSAoXMCzHTlBewmbZEZFv5EUMexBJfvG5g4BiTLjx9ShXKjSuA9yKsGaH74zgJQCM_eKjO/s1600/IMG_0030.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">credit: Morguefile</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<b>BREAKING THE SILENCE</b></div>
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It can be very isolating, writing for the public. But this
weekend, for the first time, I wrote a Facebook status that shared a little bit
about my breakup pain; while I was terrified to do it, the responses I got were
overwhelmingly affectionate. <o:p></o:p></div>
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One in particular, though, changed my entire thinking on my
practice of hiding my worse struggles. A dear old friend reach out to me…one
who has been a guiding light for me in rough times. She messaged me privately
to let me know that she takes strength and courage from my writing—the few stories
I do share of my real-life struggles. Instead of seeing me as weak or stupid,
she reads these stories and sees my perseverance as a reminder to be strong in
her own journey. When I am honest and open with my readers, it turns out I give
them so much more than when I slave over DIY instructions and recipe photos.
And unlike the unfiltered venting that may happen in a face-to-face wallowing
session, we writers tend to word things in a reflective, thoughtful manner that
is healthier both for us and for the listener.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So I’m telling you all right now: I was not okay before,
during, or for a long time after my breakup. If you are, or have, experienced one of your own,
please don’t think for a second that you’re less awesome because you didn’t
just jump right back into trying new recipes and painting new antiques, as I
seem to have done. I bought a giant stuffed pony and a body pillow because my
bed felt empty. A giant stuffed pony at age 32. You are <i>not</i> alone if you are grieving and suffering, even if your
circumstances demand that you, too, keep your pain (from whatever kind of loss)
hidden. I see you just as you are, and you’re still wonderful.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Even this post will be picked up by the trolls message boards,
and there will be those (even friends of mine) who may see this post as
self-indulgent or unfair to the people I’ve briefly mentioned here. They’re
wrong. When writers share their struggles, even those that involve the people
around us in some less-than-discreet way, we are doing something selfless: we
are giving of our own journey to support the journeys of others. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, to my fellow writer, I say please write your post.
Hiding your story benefits no one, and beautiful things can happen when we share.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-30713598045589060252014-07-30T10:59:00.003-04:002014-07-30T10:59:45.869-04:00Dog Training Done Right: Dogs In Harmony teaches the human and the dog<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggzKDa3fRCOfxVXyJ_YZkjJShZ2HnZznO5NN03gNxfxAVDeW2i8D6yXNwX_wAQDVjuxZnwZ8_GOqBYxBY3RU6dafS2fzmC7kTx22-0aRLsWY-zoVUL5MkYdkauTA1tfujlYIOUm-iT8Qy1/s1600/599797_10153304255730611_1334219949_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggzKDa3fRCOfxVXyJ_YZkjJShZ2HnZznO5NN03gNxfxAVDeW2i8D6yXNwX_wAQDVjuxZnwZ8_GOqBYxBY3RU6dafS2fzmC7kTx22-0aRLsWY-zoVUL5MkYdkauTA1tfujlYIOUm-iT8Qy1/s1600/599797_10153304255730611_1334219949_n.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a>When I first got my Aussie Shepherd puppy, Corben, we had a
week of blissful quiet. He was adorable and confused and shy, and still very
young. After that first week, though, he realized that everything the light
touched was his…and he became a typical crazy puppy. Well, with the exception
that he was startling bright. This meant that he was double trouble.</div>
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And so Lynn Hyndman entered my life.</div>
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Lynn, who is owner and trainer at <a href="http://www.dogsinharmony.ca/welcome/index.htm" target="_blank">Dogs In Harmony </a>here in
Ottawa, Ontario, came to visit before Corben even arrived. She helped us
puppy-proof the house, prepare a crate, and talk about puppy maintenance. By
the time his first training day came around and he was being a nutbar, I was
honestly convinced I couldn’t handle this whole puppy thing at all. He wouldn’t
listen, wouldn’t sit still, wouldn’t stop chewing things, and wouldn’t stop
running around.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix67AdHLI7FdM2AsITbIHErqZ6HlpSuGD86qvBMwODcqCpAyHMGjvp8wwWC45bIEIJBc-R544Q9j4Il1_rdwGkP4nnJtDX_KSEo5xX4K_P2evxnvhAK98yCK6cZYqPwYlN3vxfhQQZe8n_/s1600/IMAG4430.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix67AdHLI7FdM2AsITbIHErqZ6HlpSuGD86qvBMwODcqCpAyHMGjvp8wwWC45bIEIJBc-R544Q9j4Il1_rdwGkP4nnJtDX_KSEo5xX4K_P2evxnvhAK98yCK6cZYqPwYlN3vxfhQQZe8n_/s1600/IMAG4430.jpg" height="320" width="191" /></a></div>
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Lynn came in, pulled out her bag of tricks, and within ten
minutes she had that 10 week-old puppy doing perfect ‘sits’. He was
housetrained within a week, and stopped chewing non-toy items within a month.
She made it look effortless, the way someone else might tie a shoe or chop a
carrot—like it was nothing at all. Indeed, compared to some of the
small-brained breeds she undoubtedly works with, Corben was likely a treat to
teach.</div>
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Lynn has been our constant cheerleader and teacher as Corben
has met and exceeded all his basic obedience and manners training, and is now
well into his specialized training for his ‘day job’. However, Dogs in Harmony
does not usually do the specialty work Corben gets for his job; indeed, you can
hire Dogs in Harmony for your own dog anytime, at any age.</div>
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Lynn is a Professional Dog Trainer and a member of the
Canadian Association for Professional Pet Dog Trainers. You may recognize her
from her segments on Rogers Daytime, as well. On top of all this, she
volunteers her time with various doggie non-profits, and is a Mentor Trainer
for the Animal Behaviour College, testing and training novice dog trainers as
well. All these credentials aside, what makes Lynn so incredible is her genuine
adoration for her field.</div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbL8sK4p1HNQ2Qxv9YdGsFF-XDGcTBh-tL85hB3g45MlECaczdQ-xKwiXCZ4qupkfpRnz20oaan8hURd8dnA_menVzU4a_AenS9ZWc1-oRZnHwhQLa13uZxt6wNicDaiGWsnXymYNMPesw/s1600/lynn+corben.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbL8sK4p1HNQ2Qxv9YdGsFF-XDGcTBh-tL85hB3g45MlECaczdQ-xKwiXCZ4qupkfpRnz20oaan8hURd8dnA_menVzU4a_AenS9ZWc1-oRZnHwhQLa13uZxt6wNicDaiGWsnXymYNMPesw/s1600/lynn+corben.png" height="320" width="241" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lynn teaching Corben to ignore <br />birds and squirrels.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Lynn has a natural way of explaining how a dog works, and
this is key in dog training because the majority of the education happens to
the owner, not the dog. I haven’t found a behaviour yet that Lynn can’t figure
out how to retrain. She’s a steadfast professional, never breaking stride even
when Corben does the cutest bad things—though we often laugh about them
afterwards. Watching her work is like watching a fish swim: it’s as if she was
born with a clicker and a leash in her hand. Lynn focuses her practice on
positive, rather than punitive, behaviour correction techniques, and the
results are proof-positive that you don’t ever have to whack a dog with a
newspaper to stop a troublesome habit. Indeed, she gets much better results by <i>not</i> doing such things.</div>
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With Lynn’s guidance, Corben has become the most
well-behaved dog I have ever known. And thanks to her help, he’s also one of
the happiest, well adjusted dogs, too. I feel like I’ve learned how to
communicate with my pup in a way that he understands and appreciates. Everyone
leaves a training moment feeling accomplished; it’s like my dog and I are a
team, one built on mutual respect and patience. I truly wish I’d met her when I
adopted my rescued pug many years back, as I understand now how it’s never too
late to teach even an old dog a new trick.</div>
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<o:p> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPt_HU6P_4jtJc8MSXlbg4OYrCUGwTjMWmM3uFhiePZtB3ElM9W7pFJ2BO2jx0DoiWqTJlc-iKW-srtQWm6pavRzraWjO6B0FAMam8UahSCDlqd2rLvvJUr-1jso_fh5J1O_ad-cwgjnJH/s1600/lynn+cohen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPt_HU6P_4jtJc8MSXlbg4OYrCUGwTjMWmM3uFhiePZtB3ElM9W7pFJ2BO2jx0DoiWqTJlc-iKW-srtQWm6pavRzraWjO6B0FAMam8UahSCDlqd2rLvvJUr-1jso_fh5J1O_ad-cwgjnJH/s1600/lynn+cohen.jpg" height="205" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lynn LOVES dogs, and it's apparent in her wonderful<br />training style.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</o:p></div>
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This is my unsolicited commendation of <a href="http://www.dogsinharmony.ca/welcome/index.htm" target="_blank">Dogs in Harmony</a> and
Lynn Hyndman’s work. It’s also my very public way of saying thank you to her
for all her work, research, and support as I’ve swung from, “Please tell me how
to restrain myself from stuffing this puppy in the blender,” to “Okay, this dog
is awesome and I can’t wait to see him every morning”. Thank you, Lynn, for
your hard work with us. Not a day goes by that I’m not grateful you found your
calling.</div>
Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-18872195233120630362014-07-24T14:38:00.001-04:002014-07-24T14:38:35.384-04:00Tips For Painting Large Furniture: My Buffet Hutch<h2>
<b>TIPS FOR PAINTING LARGE FURNITURE, AS SHOWN ON A BUFFET
HUTCH</b></h2>
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It’s been a while since we DIY’ed anything here on the Girl,
Crafted blog, mostly because I’ve been just painting a lot of furniture and
that can get a bit dry (no pun intended). But I finished a really large piece
this week and I wanted to share how fabulously well it came out. There are some
great tips that came to mind while I worked on it, so I’ll share them here.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>SANDING AND PRIMING IS A MUST.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1vtFGoJDzWSMu0vhYIPBTaiUBBc6lCdZDOulSZz-_Y9I_Q50h1up3v6N1RG9atjpSwIOWzO7sTmT5ozTRia-LiR-h9V4QjWIufqFdFRPtY26Zq4Z-BH4R8GmkCHooGfqfHwIY9jcgLj4D/s1600/20140720_153832.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1vtFGoJDzWSMu0vhYIPBTaiUBBc6lCdZDOulSZz-_Y9I_Q50h1up3v6N1RG9atjpSwIOWzO7sTmT5ozTRia-LiR-h9V4QjWIufqFdFRPtY26Zq4Z-BH4R8GmkCHooGfqfHwIY9jcgLj4D/s1600/20140720_153832.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a>I have two nightstands, circa 1970, that I did not sand before
painting. The result is that their wonderful Cozumel blue paint is slowly
chipping off. I know sanding sucks. I know you want to skip right to painting,
and I know that lots of paints come with built-in primers now. But you will pay
for your impatience with touch-up coats. Save yourself the hassle and do a good
job sanding and priming to start with. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I used a mouse sander for most of this job. A mouse sander
is really cheap (usually under $20.00) and even an urban-raised city slicker
like me can use it. Choose a sandpaper that will rough the surface up without
actually damaging it. You can ask your local hardware store clerk for help with
this. You really just want to create some ‘tooth’—some texture to the surface.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Priming seems tedious, but I can tell you that on this dark
piece of furniture, even <i>with </i>primer,
I had to apply 3 or 4 coats of every colour. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>CHOOSE YOUR FINISH CAREFULLY</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Paints come in a range of finishes: eggshell, semi-gloss,
high-gloss, etc. The higher the gloss, the better the paint will typically hold
up to wiping and use. But the trade-off is that often, the high-gloss paints
require more coats to be truly opaque. If this is a problem and you want to use
a matte finish paint (for instance, if you grab just the right colour from the
mis-tints bin at a discount) be sure to varnish your piece afterwards. There
are great water-based varnishes available now.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Also, and this should go without saying: use proper house
paint for this kind of work, not craft or artist acrylics. The extra cost will
be worth it, and you can find great mis-tints on summer weekends in the
hardware store for cheap.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1XmSlXpn1d6aQgwTFttWMcCT4aydQvEhKzyLl8aOq4I8tQO-HC7QgktoaQFtm5Ayar9HwuvWOQglHX2guM_Pf_qjkyWNZ6d846jRxS4Cnh9b9Dtncgz2e3ZhBMlQrJyU8AMZvg4NSxc6s/s1600/hutch+steps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1XmSlXpn1d6aQgwTFttWMcCT4aydQvEhKzyLl8aOq4I8tQO-HC7QgktoaQFtm5Ayar9HwuvWOQglHX2guM_Pf_qjkyWNZ6d846jRxS4Cnh9b9Dtncgz2e3ZhBMlQrJyU8AMZvg4NSxc6s/s1600/hutch+steps.jpg" height="320" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b>CHECK TWICE</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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If you’re doing a multi-step piece like this hutch was, be
sure to have your drawing or guide picture with you at all times. You do NOT
want to paint a section the wrong colour and have to change it afterwards.
Chances are, it’ll make that one section look just a tiny bit different in tone
or texture.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>CHECK THE WEATHER</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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We did check the weather, and the promised two days of
sunshine was a lie. This meant that my hutch got rained on overnight, had to be
dried thoroughly, and was dragged by two girls with stick-like arms for the
second day where I had to finish it indoors. Be ready for anything if you’re
painting outside. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>PAINTER’S TAPE IS YOUR BFF, BUT IT’S NOT PERFECT</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo2OTG_bS_IhTUzNh9noMYqWFT4e4z_IN1G4SKR1cCwuZkaN1f014KVlXITo2igZJZh6l3apG0ITjHU_gJxENZK5hKSOxAgWmgMlLCoaMN5tVGF_5dajzTpEONPK8BXBN7z_AS8yY_xFxr/s1600/20140721_130216.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo2OTG_bS_IhTUzNh9noMYqWFT4e4z_IN1G4SKR1cCwuZkaN1f014KVlXITo2igZJZh6l3apG0ITjHU_gJxENZK5hKSOxAgWmgMlLCoaMN5tVGF_5dajzTpEONPK8BXBN7z_AS8yY_xFxr/s1600/20140721_130216.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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I used a lot of painter’s tape to keep edges smooth and
perfect in sections where two colours join up, but it’s not a perfect system.
There is usually some minor bleeding around the edges, especially on a three
dimensional piece of furniture. Be ready to wait until all the paint is dry and
then use a sponge brush or other high-control brush to carefully touch up the
bleeding.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>TAKE OFF THE HARDWARE</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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This is a step I always forget, except this time my best
friend stopped by and caught me before it was too late. Sometimes you can’t get
the hardware off—the hinges on the bottom cupboards, for example, called for
some strange martian screwdriver we didn’t have—so you’ll have to decide: do
you paint that hardware or try to keep it paint-free with tape? We painted the
hardware here, but in a pinch I could use a q-tip with some paint thinner later
on and clean them up again.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>PATIENCE</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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A project this size is going to take time. I watched an
entire season of The Mindy Project and a half-season of Scrubs while doing this
project. Put the appropriate time aside for your work, otherwise if you’re like
me, you’ll get halfway through, have to put your paints away, and then it’ll be
months before you find time again to finish it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIkuJB0gj-YRBWU4gbSa83S9kcqEfzKUK1PMrtnpyNEf8DzCA4uUeVfL15dqB7uVWAmxoBa8qnb3cvBZyO42FQJYcaNlG5hSPXfbRyjX9zvohooUj0MUFMMBb4PcDK8Y-WiDiYJ20B0Hs-/s1600/10494722_10154384899170611_6560315003934325947_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIkuJB0gj-YRBWU4gbSa83S9kcqEfzKUK1PMrtnpyNEf8DzCA4uUeVfL15dqB7uVWAmxoBa8qnb3cvBZyO42FQJYcaNlG5hSPXfbRyjX9zvohooUj0MUFMMBb4PcDK8Y-WiDiYJ20B0Hs-/s1600/10494722_10154384899170611_6560315003934325947_n.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>BE FEARLESS</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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This hutch was free, as it was headed to the trash. Yes, it’s
a lovely piece of wood, but no one wanted it and the dark colour was wrong in
my home. I hear it’s a sin to paint solid wood, but the reality is this piece
was going to the junkyard unless I found a way to love it. Now it holds all my
ponies and unicorns, plus all my craft fabric and all my in-progress paperwork
for my business. Worst case scenario? The paint job could have gone wrong and I
would have had to start again. No big deal. Be fearless and try your best!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOr0fuhtWqKYozsKEEEV3EFs6vprH3hSEiSV84gG9lCN0ewkWGY-ufTRCy0odLIbXjnniA7q7IIaAiaigaJiUvyCz-GVTkx7UJPekJpELUWUXQAAnFBBm3cZ-2W136kWxnQ-p9JMEFFxW5/s1600/20140721_130229.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOr0fuhtWqKYozsKEEEV3EFs6vprH3hSEiSV84gG9lCN0ewkWGY-ufTRCy0odLIbXjnniA7q7IIaAiaigaJiUvyCz-GVTkx7UJPekJpELUWUXQAAnFBBm3cZ-2W136kWxnQ-p9JMEFFxW5/s1600/20140721_130229.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-12848568850298112792014-07-14T10:12:00.001-04:002014-07-14T10:12:15.139-04:00Following Girl, Crafted All Over the InternetSome weeks I have a lot of time to blog on here, and some weeks I don't. Some of you crazy people may miss me from time to time. I realized this morning that I don't often tell you where else on the internet you can find me in a day. Here are some good places to start:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNB1nU89te_F5Yv7KCd9PCb2ZQ1i64NkF-4dTO3SU-VM7uDOfOzC6gqKeImERqgjSY-bhARhqZhQFD3BoAcOksQQfI8gy6dorH4EVjcjLBEzzq__TfJvvTnFQqrfN-M9K1Tj5k1t8JBf4y/s1600/temp+jor1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNB1nU89te_F5Yv7KCd9PCb2ZQ1i64NkF-4dTO3SU-VM7uDOfOzC6gqKeImERqgjSY-bhARhqZhQFD3BoAcOksQQfI8gy6dorH4EVjcjLBEzzq__TfJvvTnFQqrfN-M9K1Tj5k1t8JBf4y/s1600/temp+jor1.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></div>
<br />
<b>WHERE I BLOG (OTHER THAN HERE):</b><br />
<br />
Of course, there's <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://capitalgeekgirls.com/" target="_blank">Capital Geek Girls</a></span>. You can find me there pretty frequently. You can also watch our YouTube show, <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/capitalgeekgirls/featured" target="_blank">Two Girls Talking</a></span>. We're currently trying to learn how to use iMovie to do some filming. We'll see if that results in fewer audio and camera issues. But they're kind of hilarious.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
You can also find me waxing eloquent about marketing on <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://bikinimarketing.com/?s=jordan+danger" target="_blank">Bikini Marketing</a></span>. By day I'm a marketer and social media consultant, plus a part-time college prof in a business program, so have some neato things to say on this topic. And I'm never dry, as you well know.<br />
<br />
<b>WHERE I POST STUFF</b><br />
<br />
If you haven't joined the <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://facebook.com/girlcrafted" target="_blank">Girl, Crafted Facebook page</a></span>, I suggest you do. It's a good place to be reminded of posts that come out. After you 'like' the page, hover over the word 'like' until a drop-down menu appears, then click 'get notifications'. That way you'll always see my posts in your newsfeed. It'll be fun, I swear.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZzESp1MakGjWVP3cb9pXo_AjrjuuXe7iPt1MxnrDcHxc27JO-ID6IdUtC3nUavpJIDHUDfwdPQprYTj_Dvm1vd49k5AkP38k9rbCNDChLSBVCgD4dl3DFThUQYOdtQuwtCDhXq-69u-IS/s1600/temp+jor2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZzESp1MakGjWVP3cb9pXo_AjrjuuXe7iPt1MxnrDcHxc27JO-ID6IdUtC3nUavpJIDHUDfwdPQprYTj_Dvm1vd49k5AkP38k9rbCNDChLSBVCgD4dl3DFThUQYOdtQuwtCDhXq-69u-IS/s1600/temp+jor2.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
There's also <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://instagram.com/jordandangergirl" target="_blank">my instagram</a></span>, which I've been really enjoying lately. I post a lot of pictures there, many of my dog. He's cute so you'll like it, I swear.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/girlcrafted/" target="_blank">Pinterest is my other big love</a></span>. I grab a lot of recipes and inspirational stuff there.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://twitter.com/girlcrafted" target="_blank">And Twitter</a></span>...well, I'm not the Tweeter I used to be, because it's gotten a bit boring on Twitter these days, but if you want to chat, I'm always up for some back and forth!<br />
<br />
That's a good place to start. If you still can't get enough at me at that point, you may be a stalker.Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8955586327621631134.post-78436157909234088972014-07-09T11:05:00.002-04:002014-07-09T11:52:27.665-04:00How Not To Talk To A Service Dog Team<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVX7lWjPytgZlQ-t7kGRtJLN7RsECoX1fXimHz-s2986tm8NQCjkDcTtDMKoVrmd7oWCmEIuZD7rSPrZH24reCNOGiBlgBnL4709zn-Sv16LgtUSpayzJkDQJX-bW3wMn_xw_f5QYtIS4h/s1600/tempcor8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVX7lWjPytgZlQ-t7kGRtJLN7RsECoX1fXimHz-s2986tm8NQCjkDcTtDMKoVrmd7oWCmEIuZD7rSPrZH24reCNOGiBlgBnL4709zn-Sv16LgtUSpayzJkDQJX-bW3wMn_xw_f5QYtIS4h/s1600/tempcor8.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a>Some of you <a href="http://girlcrafted.blogspot.ca/2014/02/my-four-legged-weapon-against-anxiety.html" target="_blank">diehard readers know that I am in the middle ofthe lengthy yet rewarding process of training my own service dog</a>. Corben is a
bit of a social media celebrity—or at least I think so, as I post pictures of
him regularly. He is 11 months old now, and acing his training. He’s with me
most of the time now, and he’s helping me a lot with my daily life. And he’s
ridiculously cute, so he’s kind of like a visual form of Prozac. Win-win,
right?</div>
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Well, most of the time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve discovered that when you appear able-bodied and have a
service dog with you, you’re going to experience a lot of bizarre behaviour
from strangers. I think we can use these examples as a ‘How not to talk to a
service dog team’ sort of list. Here it goes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<h3>
<b>HOW NOT TO TALK TO A SERVICE DOG TEAM</b></h3>
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<b>1. DON’T HOLD THEM UP.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Yes, I have a service dog. Yes, he’s interesting. No, I
don’t always have time to talk to you about him. Last week Corben and I got
onto an elevator that a man had just vacated. As the door was closing, I saw
this man turn on his heel and shove his hand into the door to keep it open. As
the emergency system kicked in and the door slid open, he stared at us and
said, “Is that a service dog?” Yes, I said. “Well…can you explain that to me?”
I’m late, I said. “Oh. Oh! Okay…” said the man, and finally let the door shut.
Yes, this really happened. Yes, I’m unimpressed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>2. DON’T ASK WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE HANDLER.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Don't get me wrong, I love talking about dogs and my dog in particular. But if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me, “He’s
your dog? What’s he <i>for</i>?” I’d have
enough money to never worry about the cost of Corben’s training ever again. The
problem with this question is that you are basically asking me, a stranger, to
tell you what my disability is. Sometimes I even get this question from
acquaintances or friends I don’t see often. Most frequently, I’m asked this in
a crowded room with lots of eager ears around. No, I don’t want to explain to
anyone what’s <i>wrong</i> with me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2mNuHpeV6k-tHfRaKEaqDTh4yNwj8LjMObwptibK8GSvmiSBriJhZ-SHceG4-JCr9TqzrbQBa-PRhBmp5vENk2ubTArdWEGVxsnPqVzm74zs_PQLENk_LZVnQnfL_4PVAlLSNzvwISEYX/s1600/tempcor2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2mNuHpeV6k-tHfRaKEaqDTh4yNwj8LjMObwptibK8GSvmiSBriJhZ-SHceG4-JCr9TqzrbQBa-PRhBmp5vENk2ubTArdWEGVxsnPqVzm74zs_PQLENk_LZVnQnfL_4PVAlLSNzvwISEYX/s1600/tempcor2.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He doesn't actually do housework.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</o:p></div>
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<b>3. DON’T KEEP ASKING WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE HANDLER.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, we all slip up sometimes. It’s possible not to realize
that a) you’re asking someone to divulge their personal health challenge, and
b) that that’s incredibly rude. But if the conversation goes like this:<o:p></o:p></div>
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STRANGER: What’s the dog for?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
ME: Service.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
STRANGER: What kind of service?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
ME: Medical alert.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
STRANGER: What’s that mean?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
ME: It means he helps me by alerting me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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STRANGER: Okayyyy, but what’s the problem with you that he’s
watching for?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
…you’ve pushed too far. “Medical alert” means, “I have a
medical problem.” Look at it this way: if I came up to you on the street, stood
in front of you, and said, “I have a medical problem.”—without Corben beside
me, just for no good reason, wouldn’t you think I was being socially awkward?
Wouldn’t that seem like an over-share? The presence of a service dog does not
mean you should feel all rules of polite conduct are moot.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>3. DON’T ASSUME THE ABLE-BODIED HANDLER IS A TRAINER.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s easy for me to hide sometimes behind the assumption that
I’m just a dog trainer. Honestly, many of us with service dogs do let this
assumption ride in some awkward situations. But in some ways, it diminishes
what Corben and I are to each other. It also daily reminds me that I <i>look </i>healthy, so the fact that I’m daily
struggling with a serious medical problem is <i>invisible</i> and therefor, not acknowledged. Anyone who’ suffered
through a non-visible health problem can relate to this. It’s like visiting
your aunt and having her repeatedly offer you ice cream even though she <i>knows</i> you’re lactose intolerant but just
never remembers. In a way, the refusal of people to consider I may have a
disability makes me feel even more invisible. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>4. DON’T PET THE DAMNED DOG. </b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTY160ef-Jq06gn0z6Gdh8gBx0opIPurrPvfTskgZlgb199xye2G9Mipc_ZkZbU2VE7poXFSqc2s3jtDDNiyPZV0kgDtkACoi8zv_PlsDR75kfepybYO_poJNC00aG1fBt0xsI_3bNZZYW/s1600/tempcor4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTY160ef-Jq06gn0z6Gdh8gBx0opIPurrPvfTskgZlgb199xye2G9Mipc_ZkZbU2VE7poXFSqc2s3jtDDNiyPZV0kgDtkACoi8zv_PlsDR75kfepybYO_poJNC00aG1fBt0xsI_3bNZZYW/s1600/tempcor4.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></b></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
No, you can’t pet him. See how small his brain cavity is?
The smartest dogs in the world have only the reasoning capacity of a 12
year-old. If I came to your 12 year-old’s math class and started petting her
while she was doing an exam, don’t you think she’d make more mistakes than
usual? Every time we’re out together, Corben is performing his own version of a
math exam. Every time you try to pet him, you mess up his concentration. Yes,
it’s cute when he breaks stride and wriggles to be patted. No, you’re not
giving him a pleasant break in his day. You are essentially giving pixie sticks
to that aforementioned 12 year-old and then leaving me to get him focused back
on his math test.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>5. DON’T POINT HIM OUT TO YOUR TODDLERS.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you petting him is like a pixie stick, a toddler barking
at my dog—yes, they <i>bark at him</i>—is
you giving Corben a litre of Red Bull. All concentration is lost, and any work
I need him doing isn’t going to happen. I don’t run up and pet your toddlers;
please keep your kids off of <i>my</i>
toddler.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>6. DON’T FORGET TO EDUCATE YOUR STAFF.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ottawa is pretty good about not giving us a hard time.
However, I went out for dinner with a friend a couple weeks ago, and a young
waiter informed us that dogs weren’t allowed in the restaurant. After I pointed
out his vest and told him we had our papers in my bag, he put his hands on his
hips, cocked his head and said, “Yeah right. What’s wrong with you that you
need a dog?” I don’t have to explain this and I’m not going to. Shop owners, be
sure that even your youngest staff understand that it’s a human rights
violation to kick me out of a store for having a dog, and it’s also wrong to
demand to know what my health problem is. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy-8dhuoD-btG8tWy9xwvs_EfetM-gukfKhpoWlu_IGqvPSJNY0ggRg3wC2pxMGhfSnDyoidLLRFtbdSRsBlQPZJ3LJFN-yX0EaZ5Ul8deYYmHDZR_bk89bbzAOnIQlxLBKnBabDqydC0X/s1600/tempcor3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy-8dhuoD-btG8tWy9xwvs_EfetM-gukfKhpoWlu_IGqvPSJNY0ggRg3wC2pxMGhfSnDyoidLLRFtbdSRsBlQPZJ3LJFN-yX0EaZ5Ul8deYYmHDZR_bk89bbzAOnIQlxLBKnBabDqydC0X/s1600/tempcor3.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
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<b>7. DON’T EVER ASSUME WE’RE FAKING IT.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At Ottawa Comiccon this year, I managed to attend 2 out of 3
days. This is in huge crowds with poor air circulation and a lot of noise. I
was able to do this because I had Corben. At one point while I was looking at a
vendor table, my friend heard a man mutter something about, “strapping a vest
on <i>his</i> dog, too, just to bring him to
the con”. MJ rocks, so she turned to him and said, “Yeah, maybe that would be
fun, except <i>this </i>is a real service dog.”
You’ll occasionally hear horror stories of people faking service dogs, but I
haven’t seen it happen around here, and when you look at Corben’s behaviour,
you’d have to be an idiot not to see just how heavily trained he is.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>8. DON’T CALL IT A PRIVILEGE.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After I answer all the questions people throw at me about my
dog, their curiosity sated, I will often get a comment like, “Well how <i>nice</i> for you that you get to take your
dog everywhere! Well I sure wish I could take <i>my</i> dog with me everywhere!” Listen to what you’re saying, people.
You’re telling me I’m privileged because I have a disability where my best tool
for normal daily living is having to raise, train, and cart a dog around with
me everywhere I go. Yes, he’s cute and fuzzy. No, in many ways he does not make
life easier. When I leave the house, I have to be aware of all his needs plus
my own. I have to look for ways to traverse a mall without the use of an
escalator. I have to choose seating in restaurants based on where my dog’s fat
butt won’t get tripped on. I have to get special dispensation to take him on a
plane. But yes, he is lovely and he does make my days a hundred times better.
So I think it’s bogus to suggest that having a service dog is a lucky
privilege; I think it’s more of a karmic balancing. I have to live with this
shitty disability for the rest of my life, but the trade-off is that I get to
have a sweet-faced companion come along with me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPFG2qhoyPCnuLn2R9Qa-nZDzoJAVxWFkIoJInVIuRTjBEDWyPtZXaGlgaNrel9dthNwn1GZSKdYbLzb9i5cTfIVyx7t3tEf_erCqLPP-pA7Px7M6ttxnd9DEgLrmUxofyGqcCoF-3-1bt/s1600/tempcor5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPFG2qhoyPCnuLn2R9Qa-nZDzoJAVxWFkIoJInVIuRTjBEDWyPtZXaGlgaNrel9dthNwn1GZSKdYbLzb9i5cTfIVyx7t3tEf_erCqLPP-pA7Px7M6ttxnd9DEgLrmUxofyGqcCoF-3-1bt/s1600/tempcor5.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>9. DON’T ASSUME THE DOG IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had a job interview this spring. I got to the second round
before I mentioned Corben, who I’d purposely left at home for the first round.
When I mentioned him, the interviewer started asking if I was really sure I
could do the job, if (and I paraphrase here) I was so effed up that I needed a
service dog. I pointed to my resume and said, “Everything you see on here that
you like, I did <i>with</i> my disability
present. The dog doesn’t make me less capable. He makes me more capable. I
accomplished much of these things without him; imagine how much more I’ll do
now that he’s with me.” She didn’t bite. She couldn’t shake her bias. The
reality is, having a service dog means that people are daily reminded of my otherwise
invisible disability. But instead of looking at Corben as a reminder of how I’m
broken, try looking at him as a reminder of how I’ve soldered myself back
together. He’s not a weakness; he’s a weapon against failure.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>10. DON’T OVERTHINK IT.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s a dog, folks. You see dozens everyday walking around
your neighbourhood. I don’t get what all the fuss is about. When you put all
the attention on my dog, you make me feel like all the qualities I possess as a
person are secondary…that my companion is all that defines me. Just relax and ignore
him. It’s what he wants, anyway. Stop staring at the dog and get back to making
eye contact with me. I’m here and better than ever. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs_RTlsJBV2qfbqGEW_dlNxwr5MmgnmeZzd16AwYSGoqojXt2wGK26NtksEvhegVxjskP6KPBCBJB3cgi_g7sbFmCu20COTdTydMZbbnPQS4ck_ciXA6CVbHh5wrJ4GSpolLyUJynE9kB-/s1600/tempcor7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs_RTlsJBV2qfbqGEW_dlNxwr5MmgnmeZzd16AwYSGoqojXt2wGK26NtksEvhegVxjskP6KPBCBJB3cgi_g7sbFmCu20COTdTydMZbbnPQS4ck_ciXA6CVbHh5wrJ4GSpolLyUJynE9kB-/s1600/tempcor7.jpg" height="640" width="382" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Back in the day. I can't believe he's grown up so much.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Jordanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08556995407995220795noreply@blogger.com6