Alfredo sans dairy: more dairy-free edibles

DAIRY-FREE (VEGAN FRIENDLY) ALFREDO SAUCE

Okay, so week 3 of my no-dairy fast started off with a bang. I think I’m getting into the swing of it. I invented a recipe and I’m soooo proud of myself for this one. I came home the other night and had nothing—NOTHING—to eat in the house except some coconut milk, pasta, and canned veggies. I thought to myself, this would be a good time to make an Alredo sauce, except I can’t do dairy...so I called MJ and asked her how you make it. As she explained, I just substituted with non-dairy stuff. Here’s literally an accounting of the recipe.

YOU WILL NEED:

Butter alternative (note that many commercial margarines still have lactose)

Milk alternative (I used coconut milk—the kind that drinks like milk, not the canned kind)

Vegan cheese

White flour

Peas if desired

Soup stock (the dry cube kind)

Spices

'Butter', but not enough flour yet.

MJ: “First, you’d melt about 3 or 4 tablespoons of butter in a pot.”

Jordan: “Done.” (Note: I didn’t measure, I just threw in about a handful amount.)

MJ: “Well, then you’d mix in some flour, a little bit at a time, stirring all the time. You keep adding flour ‘til it thickens up like icing. It kind of balls up.”

Jordan: (after a lot of hmm’ing and hawing) “Done.”

Butter and flour! This is called a roux.

MJ: “Then you can start adding in your milk, a bit at a time, whisking constantly. Just keep doing that ‘til you’re happy with the consistency.”

Jordan: “Wow, okay. That took about 2/3 of my tetra pack of coconut milk.” (Remember the extra butter...it all makes sense.)

MJ: “Now you can throw in a bouillon (soup stock) cube, and any spices you want.”

Jordan: “Done. And I’m adding peas.”

MJ: “Well, you do like cream peas on toast.”

Jordan: “This is Alfredo!”

MJ: “Now, if you weren’t dairy-free, you’d add a bunch of parmesan at this point.”

Jordan: “I have...Toffuti cream cheese. Let’s try that.” (Scooped about a Clementine-sized amount into the pot.)

Jordan: “It’s thickening up.”

MJ: “You can add more milk if you want.”

Jordan: “Done. And I’m adding spices.”

MJ: “That’s about it.”

Jordan: “I’m amazing! Look at me go! I have Alredo!”

MJ: "That took...18 minutes from start to finish."

Jordan: "And I've got about 4 servings here! Amazeballs!"

(Jordan then sits down with a big plate of rigatoni, and some sparkling lemonade in a wine glass since she doesn’t drink.)

Voila, my friends. Try it out. It’s delicious and it’s dairy-free! Enjoy!

When to Boycott a Book: boycott success and retrospective

THE ORSON SCOTT CARD BOYCOTT: UPDATE

Regular readers of the blog will be aware of the recent controversial boycott (part 1 and part 2) by Ottawa's Comic Book Shoppe on Bank Street, of the famous sci-fi author Orson Scott Card. Card, in a nutshell, is an outspoken homophobe who has actively petitioned for GLBTTQ people to be denied equal rights like same-sex marriage; in fact,  he's gone so far as to refer to non-hetero people as 'genetic dysfunctions'. The Shoppe decided to boycott an upcoming Superman series that was to feature Card's writing. The book would be available for special order only, and this caused a flurry of public support and outrage. Other shops across the continent participated in the boycott, and a petition was even formed (garnering over 16,000 signatures) to have Card removed from the comic entirely. 

BIG NEWS: THE ARTIST BACKED OUT.

Well, the big news broke this week: Card's artist, Chris Sprouse, has bowed out of the contract. Sprouse has stated that due to the level of public rebuke for this project, he asked DC to let him out of the project, and DC obliged. This is pretty fantastic, and good news indeed.

But is it a big deal?

I caught up with Shoppe owner Rob Spittall this week and he stated that he was amazed by how 'big' this had all gotten. For him, this was a small, logical stand against a hateful man writing, ironically, for a hate-quashing superhero. For him, the effect the boycott and petition has had is a big deal. For him, the outcry by (I'll say it) unenlightened individuals was a big deal, as was the deluge of positive emails, drop-ins, and facebook messages. When he told me it was feeling like a big deal, I looked at him quizzically and said, "This is not a big deal." 

MJ and me at Ottawa Pride

But here's why I said it. 

As a person who came out around age 14--well over half my life ago now--this is not a big deal. Because when you're queer, every day is another socio-political minefield, and conversations routinely can get as heated as the Card conversation has been. As a bisexual, when I announced my engagement to a male over Facebook, even that happy news was marred by comments like, "Finally, you found a good man to straighten you out". Comments followed that supported my bisexuality, as did scornful comments about being over-sensitive. This is one tiny example of how a gay person's life is, daily, a lot like the Card debate. 

As a person who also spent her teens and twenties actively working in GLBTTQ rights advocacy groups, I'm also used to making a public stink that elicits response from the media and haters. I have stood at the front of a room to provide a GLBTTQ sensitivity training to a team of rural social workers and had questions asked like, "Who sexually assaulted you as a child that turned you gay?" I have been on the cover of the local gay paper and my parents dealt with the fallout from homophobic peers who said terrible things right to their faces. None of this is new to me.

But it's new to Rob.

A NEW ALLY FIGHTING OUR OLD FOE. 

Rob has self-identified as a straight man. He also happens to be financially sound and white, without a visible disability. He is what our culture calls a 'privileged' individual. Not his fault, of course; but this is one of the first times he's used his stature and role in the community to affect change for a minority group (on such a large scale). This is his first time stepping into the laser sights of the homophobes, religious zealots, and backhanded media. And he's amazed at how 'big' this has gotten.

I feel bad for telling him this wasn't a big deal fight. It was, and it is. I forgot what it was like, in my early years of queer advocacy; how I'd emerge from a sensitivity training drenched in sweat, or how I'd be harassed on my lunch hour by a coworker asking incredibly lewd questions about my sexual activity 'just because he wanted to understand how girls have sex with each other'. I forgot how much it hurts to see people you thought were good people say bad things. 

At the end of a bad day of being gay, though, I would go home and tell my queer partner all about it; I would go to the Icon (long-gone gay bar) and work it out over pints with my drag queen friends; I would do crazy things like get a series of rainbow paw prints tattooed on my back to remind me to always be proud of my identity. Rob doesn't get that same relief exactly, because he's standing up for a community he's not part of. His battle has been far more isolating in some ways.

SO YEAH: IT'S A BIG DEAL.

So I take my comment back, on many levels here. It *is* a big deal, folks. It's a big deal that a straight-owned business (and the others across the country) have stood up to Card's homophobia. It's a big deal that his incredible staff team and business partners have stood beside him in this boycott (you guys are all heroes, too). It's a big deal that Rob has watched haters and supporters battle head-to-head across his Shoppe's facebook page. It's a big deal that he's received emails from queers across the continent thanking him for being a hero. It's a big freakin' deal that someone who didn't have to do something did something. 

Maybe what I should have said is, it's a big deal--but it shouldn't have *had* to be. And sadly, it's close to a normal day for many queer people. 

Rob has written a statement to wrap things up that you can find on the Shoppe's fanpage; for more discussion on the topic, you can request access to their group page, too; check it out. Then lend your reciprocal support to this business next time you find yourself itching for a new graphic novel or awesome nerdy tee shirt.

Twitching, Giggling, and Quitting Smoking

LOOKING CRAZY AT WALMART: BLENDING IN WITH THE LOCALS

Yesterday I got wrapped up in a conversation with MJ on the phone while I was running errands and I didn't want to cut her off, so I put my earphone thingy in my ear. It just looked like one earbud, and the cord was hidden inside my scarf and jacket, so it's not a surprise that people kept thinking I was talking to myself or to them. But after the second or third store I'd run into, the stupid earbud started shorting out, sending mini electrical shocks into my ear. Every time I would shift or move it would shock me again. This meant that I was constantly twitching and wincing like I had some sort of terrible tic. In line at Walmart, MJ was regaling me with a particularly funny story, so I was just listening and laughing on and off, but every time I laughed I'd get another shock. The man ahead of me kept looking over his shoulder with a worried expression. But I say, it's Walmart. How are you surprised by a twitching, giggling lunatic here?

SMOKING KILLS...YOUR SHOE SHOPPING 

A current typical smoking warning on a pack of Canadian smokes

In Canada, our cigarette packs have warnings on the outside, and on the inside. The outside of the packs portray a series of grotesque and frightening images showing eye surgeries, tumours, and blackened gums. These are clearly meant to somehow frighten you out of buying the pack, I suppose, except that in Canada, you also aren't allowed to put your cigarettes on display in a store; so by the time you see the warning label, you've already bought the damn things and now you're stuck staring at these horrible photos.

source

When you open up your pack, there's another little health-related warning label, but these ones are just text, and they say things like, "Never quit quitting!" It's almost as if Health Canada is saying, "Stop smoking, you moron!" on the outside, and then, "Well, better luck next time..." on the inside.

I think the real problem here is that the outside labels are actually too horrific to be effective anymore. They're desensitizing, like watching the SAW movies back-to-back: you know it's gross but your brain stops processing that this is supposed to be realistic. I think, if Health Canada really wants to be effective, they need to try a new strategy:

One just for teens

Just a couple ideas I had. Got more? Email me at jordandangerwrites (at) gmail.com with yours.

A tent, a tantrum, and Italian shoes: random tidbits this week

TEN DOLLARS OF JOY: KIDS IN A TENT 

How Max eventually fell asleep.

A couple weeks ago, I had Blueberry and Max stay over at my house. I'm awaiting on the arrival of my new roommate, but in the meantime there was an empty bedroom and I found a kid's tent on Kijiji for $10. It seemed like a good opportunity to see how the kiddies would feel at my house, and I figured the tent would make it feel less strange. I don't think I was prepared for the aneurysm-inducing joy the children would explode with upon seeing the tent. Their eyes widened, they ran inside of it, they insisted on closing the flap and then opening the flap and then closing the flap and declaring they were hidden and we'd never find them--bear in mind I'd just opened and shut the flap twenty times for them. 

Alan and I sat on the couch listening to them shrieking until two hours past their bedtime, when Alan went upstairs and gave the same lecture parents have given their children for years: "You're supposed to be asleep. You have been up here giggling and shouting for an hour and a half now. I've had enough. Blah blah blah..." you know how it goes. You heard it when you were a kid and not a word of it has changed.

TERRIBLE TWOS VS STUBBORN THIRTIES

I also took on Blueberry during one of her Terrible Twos tantrums. It was a stand-off about a winter coat, and because consistency is important, plus I refuse to lose to a human half as smart as my pug, I started and finished the fight. Poor Alan and Max stood there in abject misery while Blueberry wailed and I tried to keep her in a time-out. This was at the very end of their visit, so when the fight finished they were whisked away to the car and I swear, I don't remember the next couple hours at all because I think I was in shock; but I know the time passed because there was a trail of shellshocked tweets I'd sent, and the exhausted sympathetic replies of various tweeter parents.

Smores for the sleepover.

FASHION MAG WOES

Also, I bought a fashion magazine. This is something I only do about once every two years, because a) they're bad for you, and b) I'm always 8-12 months ahead of the current trend. I was looking for kelly green dresses a year-and-a-half before they came out in stores. I wanted riding boots two full winters before they became the new fad. Unfortunately, now that they're all the rage, I'm on to new ideas. 

Anyway, I arbitrarily picked up a copy of Elle Magazine, because it looked really focused on fashion and looked like it might be for the right age group. Well, it might have been the right age group but it certainly wasn't for the right tax bracket. I flipped through the ads (which are really the only useful part of a fashion magazine) and silently mouthed all the fancy designer names. Ferragamo...Gabbana...Chanel...brands where, if I saved for a year, I might be able to buy a belt, or one left shoe. 

So anyway, I figured I'd look at the clothes because what I'd really bought the magazine for was to see what the hell is going on with spring fashion this year because it seems really confused and all over the place. Unfortunately, all these designer ads were showcasing their insane haute couture styles; so if I take it literally, we're supposed to be wearing giant hoop skirts and Guinan headdresses and absurdly oversized suit jackets. I may have to extend my research. Or maybe one day I'll just show up at work in one of my dad's suit jackets and a borrowed Little Bo Peep dress, and when my boss asks me what the hell I'm doing, I'll say I just spent $10,000 on this outfit so she should be impressed. I know the haute couture stuff isn't really supposed to be taken so literally, but honestly I couldn't see much in the way of actual, wearable concepts hidden between the awkward silhouettes and roman sandal-boots.  It may be a season to just avoid the shops. Or hey, just drink the kool-aid: hit the costume barn and be done with it. 

Dairy-free cupcakes: week 2 of my dairy fast

Week 2 of consuming no dairy went fine, though it was a bit challenging to get my family on board. It was my birthday weekend, so we bought a dozen cupcakes from the local vegan bakery, Auntie Loo’s. They were dulce de leche, and they were quite delicious.

*I* know they’re good. Auntie Loo’s does such a good job of their vegan baking that I regularly choose their treats over regular non-vegan treats. But people have ideas in their heads that everything vegan is made of sticks, twigs, and flax seed. My dad was particularly sceptical, but here’s his honest reaction:

Better still was my brother-in-law, who has such a funny way of phrasing things:

I will also confess, I made dairy-free chocolate chip-oatmeal muffins at one point with bran and spelt flour, and didn’t tell Dad before he ate them; guess who thought they were great, too?

Dairy-free, turns out, isn’t so bad in terms of missing out on goodies...it’s just way more frustrating to try finding. I accidentally ate three sea salt n’ malt vinegar Mrs Vickies chips this week before looking on the bag and seeing that they actually add lactose as a specific ingredient. I was furious and disappointed. I appeased myself with candy corn and hickory sticks.

When To Boycott a Book: The Aftermath

Last week, I did a post about The Comic Book Shoppe on Bank Street and the famous author Orson Scott Card--namely, that Shoppe owner Rob Spittall had taken a loud and public stand in boycotting Card's works since the discovery that Card is a big homophobe with ties to anti-gay organizations. (See the first post here.) The story got big fast, with traditional media sources also picking up the story. Rob was surprised by the outpouring of support, but also by some of the criticism he faced, as well.

When To Boycott a Book: The Aftermath

We headed down to the Shoppe and spoke with Rob directly; here's our interview (which is long, but there's an outtake treat at the end if you wait for it):

Watch the interview with Rob Spittall from The Comic Book Shoppe

Kisses and hugs to Rob Dupuis, our cameraman and videographer. 

Some folks have accused him of censorship, which he wasn't expecting...namely, because it's inaccurate. The book is still available for order at the Shoppe, just not available on the shelf. The Shoppe's decision not to use their own shelf space to promote the works of an hate-mongering artist is, in my opinion, a good balance. It allows individuals to still purchase if they feel compelled, but it allows the retailer to avoid endorsing a hater with their own community influence.

Despite hate mail and unfriending by people on Facebook, Rob has stayed true to his convictions and continues to stand behind his decision. I was happy to interview him in the aftermath and allow him a chance to respond to both the positive and negative reaction he received.

Rob keeps remarking that he's surprised this has turned into such a big news story. I think it's kind of adorable that he doesn't realize just how much his decision means to the GLBT and Straight Allies around him. The reality is, it's still a big deal when a straight person stands up for the non-straight people. I hope that Rob's example leads to more hetero allies making their support vocally known.

Dairy Free Ham Muffins: week 1 of my dairy fast

DAIRY-FREE MISERY

Once upon a time, milk and I were best friends.

I ate ice cream, I loved cheese, and I lived on yogurt.  And then one day, rather suddenly, milk turned on me. They called it lactose intolerance; I called it the most epic betrayal of all time. As a person who doesn’t cook meat (though I’ll eat it), I had become quite reliant on dairy products as a source of protein. Something had to be done.

So I spoke with my nutritionist, Jodi Turner, at Jodi Turner Nutrition. Jodi and her former business partner, Heather Moxley, have been  the fairy godmothers of my digestive system. They’ve helped me out with my lack of a gall bladder and many other woes, and Jodi had a recommendation for this lactose nonsense, too: go 2-8 weeks absolutely dairy-free, and then try to introduce it back into my life.

So dairy and I are taking a break from each other.

HAM AND CHEESE MUFFINS

I started preparing for the fast by making muffins at home. I added a bunch of potential recipes to my Dairy Free Pinterest Board. I can't live without a morning muffin, so this was very, very important. I found a ham & cheese muffin recipe that looked good and made two small changes to make it dairy-free. Here it is:

Ingredients

All you need to make 'buttermilk'

• 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
• 1 cup whole wheat flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/4 cups buttermilk (dairy-free: coconut or other 'milk', with a tablespoon of vinegar mixed in to sour it)
• 2 eggs
• 1/4 cup vegetable or canola oil
• 2 tablespoons maple syrup or honey
• 1 cup cheddar cheese, shredded (dairy-free: Daiya 'cheese' derived from tapioca. Best when melted into something.)
• 1 cup ham, chopped fine

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Combine the first 5 dry ingredients in a bowl and stir to combine.
3. In a separate bowl whisk the eggs, oil and maple syrup and stir to combine.
4. Add the buttermilk to the egg mixture and stir.
5. Add the buttermilk mixture to the flour and stir until just combined.
6. Fold in the cheese and ham.
7. Scoop the batter 2/3 of the way up into greased muffin cups and bake for 18-20 minutes (15 minutes if using mini muffin cups).
8. Cool on a wire rack and serve.

 I threw these in the freezer and heat them up for 35-40 seconds to make them hot and melty in the morning. My only complaint: I wish I'd made them twice as big because somehow my homemade muffins are always tiny. Also, next time I would add in spices and seasoning to flavour the batter itself a bit more. But I recommend giving it a try; it's a nice break from the usual sweet muffins, and healthier for you than an ham and egg english muffin from your local drive-thru.

So basically, I'm working hard to keep this diet up without feeling like I'm losing out big time. Thank god for good fake cheese.

Mr Darcy doesn't care if it's dairy-free or not;
he just wants some.