Wednesday 16 January 2013

World, Meet Wocky: the Badger That Lives In My Middle

I have a condition called endometriosis, which means I have a very painful cycle. There’s a lot of theories on how endometriosis works, but here’s the real story.

Instead of a uterus, I have a badger.

Drawing of a badger. GIRL, CRAFTED blog

I figure what happened is that, when God was making me, it was a Friday afternoon and he was tired and off his game, and instead of grabbing a uterus from the uterus box, he grabbed a badger from the badger box.

Drawing of God grabbing a badger. GIRL, CRAFTED blog.

(Usually I hypothesize that God is a woman, but no woman would have a. made that mistake, and b. failed to rectify it.)

The badger, which we’ll call Wocky (short for Jabberwocky, which is probably the more accurate description) lies dormant, hibernating, for most of the month. 

Drawing of a badger in a belly. GIRL, CRAFTED blog.

Mid-month, however, he reaches one long, clawed arm up towards one ovary or the other and squeezes with his scratchy talons. That’s always fun.

Drawing of a badger grabbing an ovary. GIRL, CRAFTED blog.

A few days before the end of my cycle, Wocky starts to wake up. And Wocky is ravenous. Wocky wants chocolate…and salt. And chocolate salt. And salt on top of his chocolate salt. And then fat. Wocky has wired puppet strings to my brain that allow him to override my self-control, and I will find myself standing in the kitchen at 2am with a half-eaten box of baker’s chocolate and an empty jar of olive tapenade.

Drawing of girl shaking jar. GIRL, CRAFTED blog.

He also has control over my anger reflex. When people are rude or stupid, he gets rrrreally mad, and where I might usually try to be tactful or avoid a fight, Wocky gets right in there and works me like a Rock’em Sock’em Robot. (Which sometimes, I gotta admit, is a bit of a joyful release, after how many times in a day I usually bite my tongue.)

Drawing of badger playing with robot controls. GIRL, CRAFTED blog.

At the end of my cycle, Wocky loses his mind and starts clawing at my insides. For 4-7 days, it is literally as if an angry, rabid badger is biting, clawing, and gnawing on my abdomen, my lower back, and all my internal organs. I get dizzy and sick, and nauseated, and weak, and I could sleep for days. Probably because those internal organs are kind of essential and best left unchewed. 

Drawing of a badger chewing soft insides. GIRL, CRAFTED blog.

When you try to talk to me during Wocky’s week, I can barely hear you over the constant snarling and badger ravaging that’s happening in my belly. When you ask me why I haven’t walked to the corner store, it seems impossible to explain how angry Wocky will be with the motion and how he will pull on nerve endings that make even my knees ache. If I'm weepy, it's from experiencing endless days and nights of indescribable pain. When you look at me funny for eating crackers with pickled eggplant and Dijon mustard, you clearly do not understand that I am desperately attempting to assuage a very angry, vengeful woodland monster.

Drawing of badger eating dijon. GIRL, CRAFTED blog.

And if you’re one of those lucky women who was given a proper uterus at birth, and you’ve never experienced a badger in your belly, I just want you to know that I may love you, but I also hate you.

World, meet Wocky.


  1. Wocky needs to chill!

    Though I don't have endometriosis, I can certainly relate to the cravings and the irrational anger. (The irrational anger lasted pretty much constantly through both my pregnancies actually. It's something I like to affectionately call "pregnancy rage". )

    I love the drawings. Keep drawing :)

    1. The 'pregnancy rage' concept makes sense to me, Lara, since everything else about endometriosis is a lot like labour. I don't actually know if the cravings and anger stem from the endo itself, or just my lovely brand of women hormones.

      Glad you're loving the drawings! I think Wocky turned out perfect. (The drawings, not the S.O.B. in my belly.)


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