|My sketch of the great fall.|
I don't know what happened next. One minute, I was navigating the steps without trouble, and the next, I guess I thought I was on the bottom one...but I was actually four steps up and I pitched forward as my foot fell into open space. I wasn't that worried at first, knowing I'd probably land on the laundry I'd failed to wash at the bottom of the stairs; but I didn't think about dangers on the way down. In a former life, my house had a half-door at the bottom of the basement stairs, and the weird half-door frame is still present, and this sharp angled corner of wood was what drove itself directly between my two elbow bones as I fell down into my basement.
I think MJ really had the scariest time, as she would have had only this absurd train of sound effects to tell her what had happened:
(Me speaking): "So then I said to Alan, like, that's totally not what I--OOOOh!" [Clatter, thwack, skitter, thunk...] "Oh my god! Ohhhhhhh my god, owwwwww....OWWWWWWWW!" The phone got away from me as I rolled around on the floor, holding my arm and cursing.
The point of this story (which continues on with a hospital trip, two rounds of xrays, and a hand that keeps going numb) is that, as I lay on the floor without anyone to help me, I thought: this is the ultimate reason why being single SUCKS.
Then I started composing a list of the pro's and con's of living single.
PROS TO LIVING SINGLE:
-You can watch whatever you want on TV.
-You can fall asleep watching the same romantic comedy every night for a month.
-If there's no milk left, you have only yourself to blame.
-You can pee with the bathroom door open.
-Dishes can wait. Sometimes, for weeks.
-Shaving your legs is also a sometimes thing.
-You can make any plans you want, without consulting anyone.
-You have only yourself to blame when the peanut butter runs out.
-You can talk to your dog like a human without anyone raising an eyebrow.
-When you fall down the stairs and injure yourself, you may die all alone in the basement.
-You never seem to finish all the eggs in the carton before they go bad.
-You have to yell at the neighbour next door to turn down his music, without any backup behind you.
-When you pick up sushi for dinner, you have to eat all of yours. Even the gross salmon ones. Because there's no one to trade with.
-If you need a glass of water at bedtime, you're either getting out of bed and stepping on that freezing cold floor, or you're going to bed with a parched throat.
-You have to get very, very creative on zipping up your own dress.
-You basically can't drink, because drinking alone in an empty house, especially while talking to your dog like a human, seems like a lot of checkmarks on the list for 'You May Have a Drinking Problem'.
-There is no one to whine when you eat the entire box of crackers, so sometimes you do...in one sitting.
SONG OF THE MOMENT: Get Up Offa That Thing, James Brown.